WHY. CAN'T. I. GO?!
I Am freaking crying like an idiot right now.
I HAVE NO TICKETS.
NO TRANSPORT, ANYWAY.
I still have to study for my coming trials.
I have 0% chance of going to MAA.

life sucks, really.


p/s : suju's arrival in malaysia is somewhat fine.(according to my fren who went)
i'll update bout it soon !

i've been crying for an hour since i found out that sj will be in klia by TOMORROW AFTERNOON.
& im still tearing. i'm typing all this wif tears flooding my eyes.
i guess i'll juz hv to give up on the desperation 2 attend maa.
frankly, i dont even hv the ticket to go. *extremly loud sigh* *red eyes*

i feel so lost. by the time i can finally hv everything in my hand its too late..
& at this time im facing pmr they hv to be here..
im getting really scared..
what if supershow falls somewhere near my trials or exam?
i'm so dead by then.. asking me 2 choose between my studies & the one i love.. IM REALLY GONNA GO NUTS.
i did make the effort to win the tickets..
but... duno whether its fate or coincidence again.. i always either missed the chance/too late.
& all sorts of contests would hv end by now.. T.T

& tommorow most of the members will be at klia.

SJ flight was confirmed!


leeteuk, eunhyuk, yesung, sungmin and heechul
they will arrive at KLIA on 31/7 thursday - 4.35pm

SJ-M, siwon, hangeng, donghae, ryeowook and kyuhyun
they will arrive at KLIA on 31/7 thursday - 6.25pm (from hong kong)

kangin and shindong
they will arrived at KLIA on 1/8 friday - 4.35pm

PS: Kibum not sure will come to M'sia or not

someone stab me please. im begging you. i dont wanna face the fact that i cant go to the airport.
main reason ; transport problem. everyone is busy with work leaving me all alone in home sobbing bcuz i'll miss the chance 2 see the one i love.
bcuz its their 1st time to msia(excluding their dancing out mv making & dbsk's concert guest performer) as a nominee & get 2 hv closer look on their fans.
bcuz it might be their last time too T.T (IF something happens 2 supershow)
bcuz i cant show them my support & love.
to those who r going, pls pls send my love to this boys~
pls let them kno us msia elfs love them as much as korean elfs~

i am gonna cry to sleep tonight.

while listening to sj K.R.Y's snow flower ost, which happens to be a really touching song...
i broke into tears..
T_T

ive been thinking so much & so deep lately. i've been blaming god for doing this to me.
i've been blaming everything in my life..
i wanted to concentrate on my studies like others.. but it seems like i cant.
i know its the not right time but i had fallen too much 4 suju..
what i meant by its not the right time is everything that happened seem to be opposite to each..
i wanted to be there 4 suju.. altho they cant see me.. feel me..
but i hope they feel my love..
i'm not dying for them.. but i'm really worried when i think about the sickness they had due to their tight schedules..my heart is really pain..
im not sure if they're completely fine now.. they muz be tired..
why do i care so much about them? they are not even a part of my family. but somehow..
i guess its bcuz when its about home, i'm all lonely.. altho i hv a family but it seemed like i'm living wif myself.. the hse is always empty wif only my presence..
i'm not sad towards that.. bcuz i always like to be alone.. but when sj entertain me everytime im in front of the comp, i felt really happy & laugh more compared than when i'm in skul..
altho i'm alone,but i wish life wasnt this harsh..
if only i could drive.. i'd hv drive to a seaside now & shout as loud as i can..

sometimes its hard to express myself in reality so i'd rather stay quiet & emotional..
i didnt want to but my birth month & horoscope explains my personalities really true..
i can be very moody.. i can be very pessimistic..
when i look around me, i could find no shoulder to rely on or a friend to talk to..
all i feel secure is my pc.. theres wher i can find happiness altho i'm jus alone..

its a very hard time for me now. i cant immerse myself into studies & i'm very dilemma about suju cumin 2 msia.
i cant seem to think rationally..
but after all, the future i wanted is very simple.. i dont want to be a doctor, scientist, lawyer or what so ever..
i jus want to do something i love & make life to the best..
i kept thinking, as long as i work towards my dream, nothing is impossible.
& i strongly believe that.
i cant wait to leave this school which i cant find real happiness & chingoo.. *yes i meant chingoo(u'll understand if u understand ) .......
but for now.. the focus is on the coming trials.. i cant even seem to get myself 2 study..
dunno whether its fate or coincidence, i ...................................... *lost*
i dun even know wth im typing.. but right now im juz typing wat my heart feels..
pls 4give me if u cant understand anything..

all i can say 2 suju is...

i'm sorry, i love you...

(i'll delete/edit this post once i can deal wif my emotions)

i need a hug.
seriously.

WHATSWRONGWITHME?!?!
ohgoddd. i fell in love more den i expect & supposed to.
i'm in a T-POP addiction.

i used to be reli kpop-ish & now im falling 4 other music.
but its okay,even i heart kpop & suju,i can still listen to other type of music ^^

ice's voice issssssssss A W E S O M E
A W E E E E S O O O O M E E E E E
I REPEAT, FABULOUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

& IM TELLING YOU, HEEEEE ROOOOCCCKK !
i wont say his voice is better than superjunior or great solo artists out ther, but somehow its very relaxing. i just feel so warm & relax when i listen to his song.
no,he dont hv a very strong voice,but he certainly has a voice that calms me down.
he's like the sunshine shining for you after u sobbed under a heavy rain (:
he's the rainbow :]



when i 1st saw him, i was floating in the sky of hearts~ *blush blush*

i cant believe im falling 4 thai songs. ?!?!?!?!?!

ICE'S VOICE REALLY MAKE ME FEEL RELAXED & CALM~
ITS LIKE MY SADNESS KILLER ~
i really really like artist that can sang in diff languages (even if they learn the language).
as far as as i kno, he can sing in japanese. :]
im even intending to learn thai language.
OMFG!
why is my reaction so big?
cuz I NEVER THOUGHT I'LL FALL 4 TPOP!
IF U SAY ITS JPOP DEN I STILL CAN BELIEVE~

BUT.... T-POP?!?!
if ure unfamiliar with t-pop..
if ure curios whats so big deal about t-pop..
if u still look down on t-pop...

LISTEN TO DIS SONG & U MIGHT CHANGE UR MIND :)
(im not saying all will hv da same opinion as me but... oh well ^^)

http://collect.myspace.com/music/popup.cfm?num=4&time=undefined&fid=127903231&uid=1&t=HQ5dKDAUotK5xPHezO%20MgoXcmNmI2yabQj8%20UCht9doe%20VFz1LQtu2SN8RG9M/IloA3faJhRvXOuE11XpD%2010g==d=MTI3OTAzMjMxXjEyMTY1MjU4MzE=

( JUST CLICK THE LINK ABOVE & ENJOY! ^^ IT LOADS REALLY FAST! =)

thai songs r pretty famous this days. i myself notice Ice tru 8 e-news (8864) while golf&mike tru MyFm.
MyFm r promoting t-pop hits nowadays. thx 2 the power of media!
i get 2 sweeten my mood with dis great songs =]



note : i'd still like to insist, no matter how great is other artists & music, i always place suju 1st in my heart. noone can replace their position in my heart. <3

yay! test 2 r over! :D
but pmr trials are very soon.. T.T
all i can say is.. *sigh*

anyway..
GOSH, I've got so much worries this month. it's stressful july :(
MAA, SUJU CONCERT,PMR TRIALS. UGH.
ohgawd, i havent even get the ticket to maa & worse is maa is jus slightly a week b4 the trials.
& im not ready 4 trials yet & fkjhfjkadgfkfhksgfsgfgfuhfusd.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
PMR IS IMPORTANT,NEITHER IS SUJU. I MUZ BE THERE!
ITS THEIR 1ST CONCERT IN MSIA (& who knows it might be the last too T.T)
so i really cant miss it!
perhaps maa i still can let it go, but no exception 4 supershow ! ;X
ah what am i gonna do?!
so lil time, so much to do ;xx

*screams*

anyway, talking about maa tickets. OMG WEI.
i'm so pissed & "gek" juz now. =.=
earlier,myfm announced about maa tickets contest question (which i've been waiting 4).
& when i hear the question, i WAS SOOO BLURRRR.
they gave a description about a state in msia & v had 2 guess which state is dat. =.=
the following descriptions are ;

-otak-otak -.-
-desaru
-blablah.

I WAS LIKE ?!?!?! WHR IS DAT?! at the same time, i was chatting wif ST on msn.
so i straight away asked her & she told me its JOHOR.
i was like still blur dat time & questioned her confirmation.
by the time i sent in the answer, i was too late (all thanks to my delayness earlier).
the answer is JOHORR!! i got it right but i wasn't the 1st to sent in the sms!
U SEE HOW PISSED I AM?! i dont think im very late tho. jus a few mins!
but oh well. the winner goes to a guy with the name Tan Huai Jat. ;x
i'm not gonna blame him,but i'm sooo jealous of him!! 2 tickets 4 maa!! bahhh~~
den i was stressing at msn & ST cooled me down. haizzzz.
rice had become porridge. now,i jus had 2 wait 4 miracle 2 happen. (:

i missed kpop soo much. aha. random xD
i missed suju too! ^0^
oh well.. earlier i read that they were sick & injured already due to their tight schedule dis days..
seriously..my heart tore into 45468468746878657 pieces :(
supershow,subgroup activities,smtown live 08 & etc etc.
omg i really wanna hug them T.T
why cant this boys get more rest?!
honestly after reading the news that they're sick,i'm really fine if they cant make it to msia's concert.
i dont want this boys to suffer! i dont want them to get sick juz 2 entertain us fans!
i'd rather im the one who's sick T^T
i dont want them 2 come to msia wif sickness & stress. ):
i want them to be in a good condition when they come here :)
seriously, i'm praying hard 4 them 2 get well!!

apart from that.. i hv something good 2 share ^^
i don`t used to like thai songs or anything..
but last week when i accidently listened to this song by a thai singer (ICE SARANYU) , i was so impressed O.O ~
it was soooo good!! a very relaxing song, a very fun song~ ^-^
its even diff from the normal t-pops~
i proudly announce.. the 1st thai song that grow my interest in t-pop is..

i'm officially 15 :)
prezies anyone? tonnes of free hugs will do ^^

today, i received a few angpaos from my family :]
hell ppl usually receive prezies 4 their bday, but im getting red packets as my gift. hahahaha =D
its like chinese new year ceremony. *lmao*

theres ntg much about my bday today, probably the loneliest bday i've been tru T^T
sis was planning to take me out 2 shop, but unfortunately she's having a really bad sore throat that is pretty serious :(
i found out about it when she called me ytday. her throat is seriously is in a serious condition!
i can hardly hear her. her voice seriously cracked T___T
i was so worried that i asked her to cancel the plan.
& i did not regret. bcz dis morning when she came to my hse again,she can HARDLY SPEAK.
OH-MY-GOODNESS. sis, pls get well ~ im reli worried~

apparently, dad knew i lost my concert money which i saved 4 suju's concert(I FOUND IT IN D END), so he gave me an amount that is actually enough.
sis were the 1st to gimme the redpacket. haha.
bro sent me a really sweet msg(which makes my hair stands) <;)
his prezie will be soon worr. as he said luh. x]

its a lonely bday, but the $$ made me happy. haha.
apart from that, a few msgs from the forum wishing me happy bday really did made me smile!
^___________________^

but the biggest prezie is.. SUJU'S WILL B PERFORMING THEIR CONCERT AT THAI TODAY~
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH~ *proud proud*
altho its not at msia, but im still happy thinking the fact thai fans & suju will deffinately remember this date, 12 july. ahahah.
what-on-earth. how childish i am. lmao.

i dunno what else to say, all i hope is to grow up asap & achieve my dreams~!
i'm still young, & there're more challenges to face.
i'll keep trying & praying.
& one more thing, dis is specially dedicated to GOD,
GOD, I HOPE U'LL BLESS ME & MY LIFE.
PLS BLESS MY LOVED ONES~
PLS HELP ME WHEN I'M IN TROUBLE~
PLS SHOW A SHINING PATH THAT WILL GUIDE ME IN MY FUTURE~
PLS SOLVE MY CURRENT PROBLEM~

& lastly,
happy birthday to myself! :)