teuk:sigh..
hyukie:look! there's something over there..

Traits: Emotional, Loving, Intuitive, Imaginative, Shrewd, Cautious, Protective and Sympathetic
Dark Traits: Changeable, Moody, Overemotional, Touchy, Clinging and Unable To Let Go

Sun Opposition or Square Neptune
Your imagination never stops and provides you with a rich world of dreams and fantasies. You have an artist's soul and should be able to find roads to expression that fit you by exploring the arts. Life's harsher realities may be more than you can stand up to.


Moon Opposition or Square Mercury
You are a bit of a sentimentalist and love to hear first-hand stories of days long past. It is the eyewitness account that most attracts you, because you love folklore.

Uranus Conjunct Neptune
You were born in a period when there was an underlying current of creativity that effected your entire generation. You possess a very rich fantasy world, which will help members of this group contribute greatly to the arts.

-

^ just look at the specs for godness's sake. lmao

he must be really light to be carried up in that manner 8D

& if u think that's hilarious..


^this made me laugh SO DAMN HARD. i dunno y i keep smacking my forehead at first though XDDD
BABY YOU'RE 26(TO MAKE IT WORSE 27 IN KOREAN AGE).
ACT YOUR AGE OR SOMETHING CAUSE YOU'RE KILLIN' ME.



^OMGHAETEUK.NEVER ENDING PEPPERO GAME.
HAE STOP CHEATING ON HYUKJAE, NOW YOU'RE THE REAL CASANOVA,poor hyukjae! XDDD
teukie, i wouldn't mind if yr lips touched bro-in-law's*cough hae cough*
as long as you don't do it with a girl i'm perfectly fine :D

^i wanna be the tin!! rofl he'll get smashed by me the moment i step up his head lmfao

Overslept.. so here i am. xD

well i was out ytday so when i got home at 7pm & bathed.. i straight away dozed off to bed & it was raining somemore :D


who knows i'll sleep till 4.53am. yesh i still remember the friggin time -.-''
havin to wake up myself at that moment,i slept back again thinking i'll wake up again once my alarm at 5am rings.

who knows again... when the alarm rings.. i set if off.. ringed..set it off.. again & again. -.-''
until my phone ringed thanks to my dad =.=''

"r you going to school?"

shoot. when i look at the friggin time..its already late. i hv like 10mins left before he fetch me to school. pft.

(in a lazy,sleepy&still tired mood) "dunwanna go lah..im late alr.sleepy lah... byebye"


LOL.

huhuhu~ today got accounts somemore. i should hv gone lah,but i didnt mean to skip kay. i was really tired from yesterday's shopping =D
i bought lotsa things, well kinda. anw our role totally EXCHANGED! WTH. she planned to buy clothes, while i plan to spent on foods 8D
but in the end she was even walking with a snack around her hand while im holding that bag of clothes i bought. wth man.

& when we're havin our lunch.. the spagheti was pretty good,but one time when i was eating it & feeling pretty full d but wanna go on because its delicious, i told her


"I'M TIRED OF EATING..." (yet i still go on eating like nvr eat fer 2 days XDDD)

its damn funny can? i didn mean to make her laugh.. maybe it was really my expression/reaction that is really hilarious accordin to her. XD
& the potato salad. i'll nvr forget it,you. xD "sperm" LMAO!!

i still can't believe i actually bought clothes. anw that was really the kind of clothes ive been lookin for,& i dont often can find something that suits my taste, so i guess it was worth it.
i actually bought 2 clothes. for RM50. at 1st i was kinda hesitating but i really liked it, so haa =D

shoot, i didn't even plan to shop for clothes can? it was so unpredictable. i even told her that im definitely not gonna waste money on clothes but you see. pfttt. girls are always like that, say one thing,do the other thing LOL wth! XDDDDDDDD

i bought a pair of glasses too. okay, this one was planned. i always wanted a pair of sunglasses so.. but i end up buying a pair of glasses instead. why? because after trying 483246726427 pairs of sunglasses in random shops, NOTHING SUITS ME!
its either cuz i look..

etc etc . LOL XD until we entered this shop.. & i try on some specs+sunglasses again... I FINALLY FOUND ONE THAT SUITS ME PERFECTLY! *jumps around* okay childish wtf -.-

it was a really small, a lil square-shaped purple pair of simple spectacles/glasses. it looked a lil fancy, but very simple. i guess simple things suits me best =D & best of the best,it has no power! haha i hv no eye-sight probs but i still want it.. because i dont look so stupid anymore with it lols -.- (means i've been lookin stupid for 16yrs of my life!? okay wtf. ignore me lol)

but if i look smarter why not?

fyi,it costs RM30.

so..most of the time..we were practically laughing our ass out.. & oh, EATING XDDD

from sushi to spagethi to potato salad to dorayaki+tako kao(lol a kind of snack) to Candied Crabapples - (red candy coated with honey on top of bite-sized fruits served on a stick).

i feel like i had enough of food but still wanting more till i run outta money for the last candied crabapples =___=''


it was a great time. when i wake up this morning, as expected,my leg ached like hell. she's one gorgeous girl for having so much stamina (u know im talking about you XD)

overall.. I had the best time yesterday. it was really,really fun & comfortable with you.
i realised that.. i can only be myself in front of you. have you noticed? its not something i can be when i'm with others.. it was just YOU ALONE. if there's another human between us,i cant be myself.at all. that's really why i act all weird & not-so-cheerful & maybe a lil unfriendly COLD compared to when we're both alone..

could it be... my heart hv opened a little fer you, but i nvr realised? i always bragged about how empty i felt.. until i noticed that, i still have a friend, after all. a friend that i could trust?

anyway, always know that i'm always myself when i'm with you,just you.
come to think bout it... i'm glad & happy each time you laugh out loud at my 'funny' reactions & acts... XD idk how i can be so cheerful when im with you ? its amazing & also scary at the same time. making you laugh, or actually making people laugh, i feel really happy and good too..

sometimes.. my temper does get bad.. thanks for understandin & still treating me like normal and not showing your temper back to me instead.. i do get really emo at time,so im really sorry bout that.


shoot this is getting long.. i feel embarassed can? LOL. i express a lot cuz words describe me, my feelings the best. i can nvr really express properly through talks, but with you, i feel that i can express almost 65 percent(?) by talks & conversations? its because you seem to understand what im trying to say... even though i tend to stutter a lot,right?

alright.. i shall stop here.

p/s:im worried bout my accounts paper even tho im at home now,cuz damn,i can imagine the nightmares when she starts to fire up & not even water can distinguished her fire-like anger.
sorry, teacher T_T i should hv work harder.

p/p/s: i wish everyday could be like yesterday... so much happiness & great times.

SO...

HOW ARE YOU? :)


lol this is random. im not really in the mood btw. but i'll still make this post.. i hv to or else my heart will nvr stop bleeding from these burdens & unexplainable pain that i won't be able to express to anyone.

well.. idk how to start.


*absolutely clueless*...



okay..

i need to listen to something to continue this post..anything will do. soft ballads are preferable. or else i won't be able to express. see how much i need music.its so hard to express especially fer me. its hard,just really hard.

life these days's just-like-that.. its fun when i want it to be.. its sad when i turn it down..

well yesterday wasn't fun. yesterday was crappy. i mean, BAD.

i am sick,tired of dealing with snobby bitches & when i use the word bitch,its official im not takin her as a friend no more.

am im being sensitive? i don't deny. besides i love being who i am..at least i don't go around making ppl feel bad or offended.. but she does.

i am taking things seriously? well, it depends on what YOU'RE talking about. certain topics are not meant to be..
she... she... she. has changed.


SHE'S SO FULL OF HERSELF THAT SHE THINKS OTHER'S PLAIN RUBBISH-THIS IS NOT THE SAME FRIEND I KNOWN 8 YRS AGO.
not a bad thing because ppl do change.. but when you're changing to something that makes me feel uneasy.. i guess we're meant not to be friends anymore.


you maybe glamorous & oh-so-perfect now, but you'll see as time flies.. as you grow up & realise what this community is.. as you ARE JUDGED & CRITICIZED for your flaws.

grow up already.



i'm tired & i don't wanna care no more..im going to show it if i hate something..im going to be sarcastic when ppl offend me.because life taught me so.im not goin to tolerate anymore. because do you think you deserve respect when you dont even respect me?

learn to respect others before you expect ppl to respect you.all these issues of snobbies & bitches is such a pain in the ass. this bitch of a school.



YOU SEE. I TOTALLY FORGOTTEN ABOUT HOW PISSED OFF I WAS YTDAY HOW FCKIN MAD I WAS YTDAY I THOUGHT IT WILL LAST UNTIL TODAY BECAUSE FCK I COPIED THE RANTS FROM YTDAY'S PLURK. i wanted to rant today about ytday's frustration but i didn't hv the mood anymore...


like what a personality test says about me, i don't mix with ppl who're the exact opposite from me.. its just we don't belong. our attitude don't get along..how am i supposed to communicate with someone like this?
she just really IRRITATES ME. enough said.
im jus not happy with her & it took me forever to realise she has changed-completely. idc what she change to because its her rights & im happy wif her as long as she just doesn't makes me feel uncomfortable.

but right now.. im not sure if i really consider her as a friend anymore.. im so tired of those vain & oh-i-am-so-freakin-popular-and-gorgeous trend in school.. WHAT THE F MAN.

you're vain .. your problem. you're snobby.. your problem.you look down at ppl, MY PROBLEM. be it anyone , you look down at them because they're "lower" than you? are you that great to underestimate others? are you that perfect to criticize others? who are you but just a human like everyone? you know what, YOU CAN'T PLEASE EVERYONE. im not complaining on ur attitude or what but at least, LEARN TO RESPECT PEOPLE. I DONT FRIGGIN CARE; be anything you want,but you look at ppl as if you're looking at insects.. (okay dont laugh cuz i copied this from hyukjae's impression on kyuhyun wtf back to serious ==)as if youre looking at a pile of sh*t.. i guess you'll only know how it feels when someday others look at you that way =)

because you wont friggin understand till u experience it yourself.. since you don't give a damn on ppl's feelings. since you're so freakin gorgeous to underestimate everyone. since youre freakin snobby. since you are ~!@#$%^&*&^%$#@!~~!@#$%^&^%$#@!~!@#$%^&^%$#@!



you know what? IM GLAD BECAUSE IM NOT OF THOSE SNOBBIES WHO FOLLOWS THE QUEEN'S TAIL EVERYWHERE & I DONT FAKE MYSELF .. AT LEAST IM BEING HONEST WITH MY FEELINGS. AT LEAST IVE BEEN THROUGH THE DOWNS EARLIER. AT LEAST I KNOW HUMAN'S FEELINGS BETTER & I THINK FROM THEIR PERSPECTIVE. AT LEAST I TRIED TO STAND IN THEIR SHOES & THINK FROM THEIR POSITION. BUT I'LL NEVER DO THE SAME FER YOU. BECAUSE YOU PROVE ME YOU DONT DESERVE IT SINCE YOU DONT RESPECT ME. SO FOR YOU WHO'S BEEN LIVING SUCH A GORGEOUS LIFE, DO YOU THINK YOU'LL FOREVER BE GORGEOUS? DO YOU THINK YOU'LL NVR FACE HARD TIMES? THINK AGAIN.


dayum,i should be a physcologist or something. im so deep in emotions & feelings sometimes i feel im too deep as a person. i won't say i understand every human's feelings because im not them.. I AM NOT YOU. BUT TO THINK ABOUT IT, IF I CAN BE YOU OR VICE VERSA FOR A DAY, WOULDN'T IT TEACH YOU BE MORE UNDERSTANDING & LEARN TO SEE THINGS FROM ONE'S SHOES?

you can't always stand in your shoes & think from your side. YOU HV TO THINK FROM EVERY PERSPECTIVE. when someone says something,listen,respect,feel it with your heart.that way,everyone will be less selfish.

i admit right now im not completely like that, but at least i enjoy being who i am. i do things that i feel like it.. if you think im negative.. whatever, let it be. but you know what? in a way i think its unique.. being different from others. well, i still joke around.. i still fool around.. only with ppl who i feel secure with. i dont feel secure opening my heart to others.. because ive been hurt many times.
i dont think i'll ever open my heart to ppl who i dont feel comfortable.. trustable with.. im that type that once i made friends, i look how much we hv in common.. & most important thing is.. i look for trust & security. it could be.. because.. i never really had a friend. a friend whom i can call a soulmate.

will i ever be able to open my heart again? i need someone to convince my heart.. so that when heart is finally opened..i can be all bubbly & cheerful as i used to when i was 13. so i dont hv to be so afraid anymore.
im tired of getting hurt.. im tired of being so fragile i break everytime little things sadden me..
i dont wanna love again..because it hurts,a lot. love is a scary thing.

okay tears.. is shedding. i shall stop now.

-ends emo topic-

to make this post not so gloomy.. & full of rants. i shall write a little about how's my life going on.

well.. theres a lot going on these days. school projects, mid-term, classes, so i won't be able to update everyday like i used to.. T.T
i'll be starting violin class soon officially too..so yeah.

& u know what? I SCREWED UP IN MY 2ND MONTHLY TEST LAST WEEK. I FEEL SO BAD I WANT TO HANG MYSELF SO I DONT HV TO FACE MY RESULTS. U HV NO IDEA,REALLY. I FEEL SO CURSED AND SOMETIMES I REALLY,REALLY WONDER...




AM I BORN TO BE A FOOL?



dont tell me all the craps noone is born to be stupid because you have no idea.. i admit im not trying hard enough.. but i did make an effort & what does god give me?


ANOTHER DISSAPOINTMENT AFTER ONE ANOTHER?





AGAIN AND AGAIN?






AM I TOO WEAK?






WAS I NOT STRONG ENOUGH BEFORE?





my mind was totally blank when i face the papers.. i can't remember a single damn thing. am i stressed? most certainly not. idk why & how is this happening.. its like losing my memory in an instance.. i cant seem to blurt out a single thing after all those hard work(well at least i TRIED my best) BUT f cuz i always end up screwing everything.


WHY?


right now im so friggin scared of my accounts paper bcuz i know FOR SURE IM FAILING IT. I FEEL SO FUCKIN DISSAPOINTED & ANGRY OF MYSELF

that subject was the only thing that keep me really inspired & realistic but i screw it over T_T

ITS LIKE I SCREWED MY LOVE.


MY ONLY HOPE. now i finally realised.. nothing is really easy.

some car should really come & bang me off before i finally realised whats happening with my life.
make me an accident victim,god. MAKE ME. if you can bring me to this world, why not bring me away?


looks like im being too much here. i shall stop before i get more emotional.


anyway.. mid term is in less than a month.

its mid-term. MID-TERM. & IM NOT SCREWING MYSELF anymore. I KEPT SLACKING & SCREWING UP TILL I FEEL SO FEDUP OF IT. I CAN'T SCREW UP, IM SURE I'LL DO SOMETHING HARMFUL TO MYSELF I SCREWED IN MIDTERM. IDK WHAT.. IT'LL JUS BE SOMETHING BAD.


& this will also mean less time for sj.. you guys know how much i love fangirling & spazzing right? thats not my exact point.. its hard to go on a day without knowing how isit going on with them,how are they doing with the performances, have they been resting(i doubt they dont) , are they doing well in the charts,etc. missing out their updates.. its like a big torturement fer me.
its like living a day without water...

-

silently.. as i stare blankly at nothing in class during the empty moments.. the music played in my mind. how i wish i could pull out my mp3 ... & bury myself in the world of the beautiful music.. beautiful vocals.. beautiful voices.. my very sweetest part of life, kpop.
but then..screw the school rules. pft
& everytime im alone i thought of kibum.. i remember how he didn't hv any friends for 2 yrs..how he got through the hard times.because he couldn't express..scrap that, i..do resemble kim kibum in a way.. and hae as well. but theyve both grown up with a beautiful heart.. i'll become a person with a beautiful heart too , i promise hae & kibum, & suju ^-^;; elf all has beautiful hearts~ right!?


ive been listening a lot to 3jib right after school everyday.. when i got back home feeling all worn out & tired & lonely.. when i need soothing & comforting, lively & cheerful, energetic & sexy melodies.. i seek for sj. cuz no matter how good others are,they dont hv this thing that sj has, this special feeling that makes me feel comfortable & protected with their sincere voices~
this is why i put sj over everything in my 1st priority. nevertheless,i still listen a lot to dbsk & the rest.. its jus that when i feel down, sj is always the best medicine, is the best energy pill to reset my mood again..




its because.... because... of this one love... keeps me going on & on. i know its stupid but..... they keep me warm & protected.

eeteuk
heechul
hangeng
yesung
kangin
sungmin
ryeowook
donghae
siwon
hyukjae
kyuhyun
kibum
shindong..

thanks for being my sunshine in a dark,stormy day :)

thank you, superjunior, also ft-i , & ss501. i got through this post with their songs surrounding my loneliness~

p/s : AT SOME POINT WHEN I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE,I WISH I COULD CLIMB UP ON TOP OF MOUNT EVEREST & SCREAM MY HEART OUT.

p/p/s: 8eight's 심장이 없어 is playing in my itunes right now. caming across this song.. it struck me again how i wish my heart is empty. how i wish i don't have a heart.

심장이 없어 (without a heart/empty heart)

do you know how it feels to hv an empty heart?

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