Lol. (excuse the really random title -.-)

so there goes another free week of holiday next week. barely 2 weeks after we came back from our break.
dang.
i swear F4 is the most relaxing time of school! holidays,keep them coming ;D

btw this goes to all form 3(s), have strength. you'll get over this in no time,so don't worry too much because it's pointless. stay motivated all the time, you can. it's not the 7A(s) that matters the most,its the right attitude to face yourself & the exam,along with a positive mind. you know it, if you love yourself, you'll get through this with a positive mindset ♥


now. talking about holiday. 11 days of break? or is it more than that? either way sounds good to me. since it falls just right during chuseok(korean thanksgiving) & thats when variety programs became twice interesting than ever.


but.
what do i do with my books. there isn't much time left till the finals. 1 month passes in a blink of an eye,no joke. i can't flunk my finals,nonono.


math : zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.


i'll probably be on pre-hiatus on & off,but i can't totally promise that XD


during the holidays.

• new haircut. sick of my hair. & i feel extremely messed up with long hair :| guess i'm not used to long hair anymore.am cutting it real short this time,anyone noticed eunjung of t-ara's eye-catching new haircut? yeah. probably that short.
  amber's haircut is awesome but it sure doesn't suit me at all.
  

now that i'm all a simple & want-to-be-fast person,i dont consider myself feminine at all.

-long hair. squeaky laugh. princess disease-
the feminine side of me is slowly disappearing..lol.
lol. wth. long hair-washing longer-drying=wasting TIME

seriously.
i like it simple & light & fast.bsides i tend to get headaches if the weather is really hot.
im not sure but perhaps something like this.
creepy model ahead,beware -.-

maybe this..?


or this..?

indecisive/ maybe i'll go with eunjung's hair. haha no pictures of her tsk.
nights. ♥

just go for it! yeah~!
[henry,you got me chilled ♥~]







\ 내일이면 / , really beautiful...


melting...this ♥ , this album will be my dose of energy pills for the next few months....

Three blind mice as we're lost in the maze route, lookin' for the easiest possible way out. Day in and day out, you run into a closed road. Turning into old folk, chasing after rose gold. What they don't know is that it belongs to a fool. Choosing wants over needs, singing songs of a mule. Carrying their burdens when you barely know the person, and that is the difference between a pharaoh and a servant. I choose to serve no man but serve mankind, at the same time avoiding all of Earth's landmines. You step in it and you blow up, you exit or you grow up, or get locked up. The pigs catch ya eating donuts. But I'd rather rhyme bars than sit behind bars. How can a prison cell contain this shining bright star. They have no idea what I could do in a minute's time. Break down the walls of the maze and run through the finish line.


Love, sex, greed, addictions. What's next? Need directions. There's nobody left to follow. Wallow in my sorrow for a hollow tomorrow. Life is like a maze, try to keep track of the days that take us from place to place. Awaken and face-to-face. Too many choices, possibilities, indecision is killing me. And if you lend a helping hand, then I will follow willingly.



-dumbfoundead & myk. [e] ♫ ♥

No day can be better than today. all my downs & moodswings are all gone thanks to today =) i love today.
20-09-2009 was the best day for me in this year! epic? definitely. :]

lets cut the crap & get started. midvalley was awesome! more than awesome! ive officially listed midvalley as one of the best shopping malls in my list. lol. why am i crapping again? *smack* XD

so i went with my sis & nephew & we had sucha great time. kim gary for lunch :D
i had baked cheese spaghetti fish fillet & trust me,its so tasty i could've remembered the taste for life ;D lol.
going out with my nephew can be a lot of headache but somehow it's really fun. thank god he's in the baby stroller or i might as well faint cuz that kid is active like any other kid & when his temper starts,NOONE can take control of him. i repeat,NOONE. gosh,he's a beast when his temper starts i tell ya.
well,maybe if a bunch of BEETLES appeared in front of him then he'll run to you & hug you tightly. awwwwwwww :D
so my sis's a genius,cuz she printed real pictures of beetles from the internet & it look so mad fckin scary & my sis'd bring the eliminated picture of beetles whenever she bring him out & that is such a useful weapon,i have to say.
kudos to my sis for the brilliant idea! bwahahaha. 8D
anyway when we were walking among the small crowd towards kim gary,i happen to bump into a school friend mate as she was walking in front of me & our eyes just met each other at the same time & we were both stunned in a smile. lolrofl.
we waved to each at the same time too! lol =)

blah blah blah yap yap yap. didn't hv my haircut because there wasn't enough time D:
we went back at 5+ cuz it was getting too crowded by then. & to tell you the truth i wasnt feeling so well out of a sudden but i guess its just indigestion. gah. my tummy is not behaving today.

while in jusco,there was a shop called, "kanebo". if youre a chinese,you'd so understand what kanebo stands for. bwahaha.i didnt realise that till we were walking pass it & sis told me,
"eh look at this shop's name. it's a scolding vulgarities"

then i look over & LOLOLOL I PRONOUNCED IT OUT LOUD! WTFFF!!!
my sis was like, "!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" OOPS. I DIDNT SAY IT,MY MOUTH DID. lmao.
then we laughed our ass out. lol


anyway when we were going through one door near the carpark base,i opened the door for my sis & there was a white couple with their son & a baby stroller behind us,so i just hold on the door for them along & its actually really nice to hear this from the husband: "thank you very much". the woman thanked me too~
& the son smiled to me! okay wtf the son is quite cute lol! mind you he's young. perhaps only 12 or 13. but yeah,his smile is sooooooooo cute! kwtf ==!! fhdjsfhdsjgfsgfsgdshissmileisfckingcutemayirepeat *slapself* his dimples is soooo deep~kawaiii!! lol wtfwtfwtf XD of course teuk's dimples is still the best for me but that little boy would make such a cute guy in future,a lot of girls will die right down at his to-die-for-dimples!! sorry lah ah john, me is shamelessly taken by teukie teukie eeteukie!! XDDDD
anw such family with such good manners! *bows* its so good to be nice to people,to nice people of course. & manners is manners so it counts. plus i do think manners is extremely important,even if youre not originally nice,but at least hv basic manners. that makes you who you are. =)

okay so the best part was when we were about to go back,at the carpark. i was already pissed off when my sis & i both forgotten whr the car is,looking for it through the flooded with water base & my shoes got wet. stupid thing! then when we found the car,settled in everything,loaded things inside,my sis suddenly couldn't fold/close the stroller back into shape & then i went to help out & nicholas was messing up with the loaded shopping bags in the car & i swear i was going crazy that time. the whole situation was a mess!
i came out & jokingly said,"haiya admit lah if you cant do it! why act smart! yada yada "

then she burst in laughter out of a sudden & we were fixing that thing while laughing our ass out.



tick-tock-tick-tock-tick tock....


two siao char bor trying to figure out how to close/fold that damn stroller so that it could fit in the back ,adjusting here & there,pressing here & there,BUT STILL THAT DAMN STROLLER WOULDN'T FOLD BACK INTO SHAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~!@#$%^&*(*&^%$#@!~~!@#$%^ & WE WERE STRUGGLING WITH THAT AT THE DAMN CARPARK!!!! THAT DAMN HOT & UNCOMFORTABLE AIR CARPARK!!!!!!!!!!
WE WERE PRACTICALLY SWEATING LIKE PIGS & LOOK LIKE MAD CHAR BHORS!!!!!


& we'd continuously take turns to get in the car for a gasp of aircond after steaming outside with the hot air fixing that damn stroller.
oh what could be funnier!!! LOL!

i swear we took almost 20 minutes fixing that stupid stroller!!!!!


guess who fixed it in the end.


of course,


me the infamous genius. LOL! i admit science is useful at times like this cuz i thought of something ive learned in f3 ,forgot the topic but remember the concept. forgot what it has got to do with too. lol. its something with the middle then the side blah blah blah. lol bet you couldnt understand that cuz i dont either. haha!
anyway when i somehow pushed it & it worked out my sis continued to collaborate with me & "YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!" could be heard from both of us cheering like siao zhar bor again when we finally got that damn thing folded back in shape!!!

oh jesus.

THAT WAS PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST "UNGLAM" MOMENT OF MY LIFE. GOSH.
i hope there isn't any cctv at the spot we were at,cuz if anyone were watching,this is super mad embarassing!!!! *digsowngrave*


blah. still laughing our ass off when we got in the car,relieved & exhausted. can you imagine that!
dunno why isit so funny either XD

i came back with lotsa shopping bags lol. ppl might hv thought i went to a shopping spree,lol.

heh. tommorow going for seafood lunch for dad's birthday. oh-my-leg~! exhausting days but so much fun so its worth it :D

im happy to strengthen my family bonds again. perhaps to say,my sis's & mine were probably the strongest one in the family because we connect a lot.but there's still 65% of me has yet to be discovered by people... hehe. i'm a deep person y'know? you'll hv to travel a space to figure me out,lol. *smack!* WTF HAHA.

p/s:i finally had my keypad repaired! like finally.
p/p/s: from her i learned a lot of things,maybe thats why i think differently from kids at my age. maybe that's why i am different. its a real good thing because i'm not easily influenced & i'm able to think rationally,not like some kids who completely lost their mind at this age already :D

Tell me its not beautiful & mama will smack you to the moon!!!
THE ADLIBS THE ADLIBS THE ADLIBS ♥♥♥ !! ;D
these boys. donghae. kyuhyun. ryeowook. their chinese is darn freaking sexaaayyyyy~ lmao just had to maximize that text LOL 8D sorry not a siwon bias for now cuz im totally into KRD(?) now~ XDDDD
whats more is that i lovelovelove the fact how theyre doing so well in the chinese market~because its a market that speaks my language & there goes my infamous chinese pride~LOL.


p/s: MIDVALLEY OUTING TOMORROW. TIME FOR MY HAIR CUT. gagaga.
p/p/s: SEAFOOD DINNER THIS MONDAY FOR DAD'S BDAY~ interesting but my plan to cook for him clashed with my sis's. gah. might as well postpone it to tuesday. blahhhhhhh. .____.

Dad's birthday is coming up in 3 days. is texting just enough?
..i feel like doing something for him this time. honestly.. i didn't know what to prepare beforehand & an unexpected idea just popped up like that.

it just strike through me yesterday night when i was laying on the bed,listening to Yesung's CMM "The Greatest Story of The World". its a touching song,may i add. (though its totally unrelated to what i was thinking..lol. )

okay anyways i had the sudden urge to cook for him. yes,that's right,COOK. what on earth was i thinking?

*cough* so i was thinking..what could best compare to making a dish with love? *coughsharder*
okay this is getting greasy. lol.


but yeah..that idea just came up my mind straight away , anw probably the least i can do for him to let him know that i care. because i'm not a greasy person,neither any of my family members is,so we're very hard at expressing our feelings,especially love.
that explain why i suck in expressing. its a family gene thing. k?

which is why i am so insecure...i worry too much.

anyways i was thinking of noodles at first but with this lousy skills,noodles is just gonna turn to a mess so im going with spaghetti,which is my alternative method.

-

they say,appreciate the time you have with your loved ones because you never know what will happen tomorrow,to tell you the truth,i'm really afraid. i'm afraid of the bad possibles. *touchwood*

let me share a little piece of confession between me & my dad so you get the idea.

we'd fought everyday. seems like a hard bond isn't it.. communicating with him was hard.exceptionally hard. but..i guess he's my dad after all,no matter how much we argue. i envy you girls who still can cling on to your dad when you drop your ice-cream & have him buy you another one cuz in my case,it isn't so.
of course, this is just an example,i don't mean it realistically cuz hey,you cant expect a teen who's 20 at heart like me to do that. right?

because i want to show him that i'm strong,independent.

there are just times when i break down in the worst way you could imagine from all this pain in my heart. the worst it could get is injuring myself..i haven't really got to that point yet but at one point i'm/was almost there.
anyway,throw away all this pain for a while(it comes & goes so why do i bother anymore),i just wanna give him a memorable birthday. thats all.

come to think about it.. i haven't really done much as a daughter..you know?
you hv no idea how much i hate being 16. how much i hate being a 93'er. i'd always wish i was only 2 years away from my brother.. its so unfair. so unfair how God made me a 93'er. sucks really.
.....he's aging.. & i'm still freaking 16,still having to rely on adults. you know how painful is that? how painful it feels when you cant do anything to help lessen the family's burden just because you're still a kid young?

GOD IS REALLY UNFAIR ON ME.
but 3 more months & i'm 17 & i really pray & hope & wish nothing bad will happen next year,because its practically an important yr ,a turning point in my future. if doom hitted me,my future's screwed & i won't hv a reason to live anymore.
so please...i dont care how much games is god planning for me next yr,cuz i'm ready to play & quit even if it hurts. just don't let anything bad,real bad incidents happen.
the worst of the worst CAN'T happen.


shit. & why am i emo-ing NOW!!??!!

eh. i'm thinking too much lately... not that i can help it.
one of the factors is undeniably puberty yo,get the idea alr ㅠㅠㅠ
i guess im just unveiling my heart as i type so nothing serious,this is just my way of letting my miseries out,i'll be fine. i guess.

they say the more it hurts in the heart.. the deeper is your love for that person. nothing can be more honest than your own feelings.
so childish girls,just in case you hadn't know,if you feel like you heart is srsly tearing apart after a fought with your bf,be careful,because that is how much you love him.
& i suggest to give up on him if he's a jerk.
note: (scene not including heart tearing apart because of anger,annoyance,jealousy,etc)

someone screw me pls. from the talk about dad's bday & now im here emoing- yapping about things that are out of topic, great job mey yen. "GREAT JOB" ==

P/S: i hope everything turns out good . =)

P/P/S:PRAY FOR ME I DON'T BURN THE KITCHEN. *AMEN*

i agree that title is hideous but who cares!! its SJM!!! bwahahahaha

brb losing my breath.


fdskjfskjfhdsjgfsjfgsghfsj lose my breath yeah.
Geng IS SOOOO HOOT! his acting,his charisma,omg everything about him. i'm back to fangirling over him just like how he attracted me back in the early days. ♥
his acting is soooo good! LMFAO his crying expression when jessica rejected him, so freaking cute hfkjdshfkjshfsjhfs! NERDYGENG ILY~
& i cant believe im saying this but zhoumi you're one fine man ♥
DJDONGHAI. FCKIN ADORABLE.
KYU. WOOKIE LIXU~ XD HENRYOMGHENRY. ♥♥♥

okay you know what. everyone was fucking hot!! my baby boys is so damn freaking holy FINEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

MAY I SAY MAJOR HOTNESS! FROM THE BEAT TO THE DANCE TO THE SONG TO THE BOYS TO THE S TO THE J TO THE M XDDDDDDD!!
for some reason the kangta&vanness feel crossed my mind; the very first impression i had about the mv. i have no idea why ._. its like watching a kangta&vanness 7-mighty-hot-guys version! lol wtf am i crapping. im going bananas here. ignore me.

ALL IN ALL,I LOVE IT SO MUCH! WHO CARES IF THE LYRICS IS CHEESY!!!
*getsbricked*
not to mention the guys,the lyrics alone are making all the taken fangirls dumping their bf in no time!!!LMFAO
i think ive got a new label for you guys, rather than superman,you are the almighty heart-thieves!!

omfg is this their album cover. cuz im spazzing so hard here. & then this.

is sending me to hell. freaking HOT can!!!???
*breathes in & out* *looksaroundforchillpills* *stare more at the boys* *nosebleed*
GAH!
its been a while isn't it? expect the posts in the next few months to be sjm-biased!!!! XD


amazing how this can reverse my mood swing for the past few days already. I'M TOTALLY HIPPY HOPPY HAPPY NOW! I FEEL GOOOOOOODD~~ (inspired by ntv7's main slogan wtf XD) okay no suprise sj is the best energy pill. its like the sunshine finally shines in my gloomy world~ just at the right time when i feel incredibly down.


STILL CANT STOP SPAZZING. NDJHDFKJS I THINK IM LOSING MY MIND NEXT.

i will be frank.

its either i get all your sincerity.. or i'll screw myself over. i won't screw you.

i won't leave you alone..though it may seems so. if you had noone,i'll be there. until then,be happy with the ones around you now. because my role is taken..i'll stay away.

because its like this..even the sound of laughters became really annoying ㅠㅠㅠㅠ. you listens to her don't you? sometimes it makes me wonder...have you ever really listened to me? frankly?
i care about you.. & this is my way of denying that i care.. but even im beginning to hate myself for doing this..because there is another person. what is my role now? what am i to you now? things that i want to say started piling up in my heart day by day & now i wasn't able to express anything anymore.. because there are just too much to begin with.

& you. yeah you. the other you. i dont hate you really..i'm just not used to giving my only companion to you..i just feel a little awkward for i will share anything but not this. i cant share my feelings,sorry. i cant split feelings into two & make it between three or four. so sorry.


i didn't want anyone to care about me..i didn't want anyone to see how really miserable i feel.
so i tried being arrogant,mean, ego. i rather be the mean girl than the miserable girl with people trying to sympathy me. i'd rather be the bad one. just let me be the bad person.

it does hurt in the beginning.. but at least i don't end up hurting for a long time. temporary pain is better than permanent pain right?

slowly..i've forgotten how to laugh with a friend over little things.. nothing is funny anymore.

i don't like stones blocking in our way.

things that don't belong to you..don't belong to you after all.its true, i'm ruining it with my own hands.. i miss those times we had together.. now that i see you with another person,getting closer each day i begin to feel far & my heart was unable to reach you. as a friend.
its always like this. i'm always the bad one in this situation. my heart has turned cold..i don't feel warm no more.

i'm not a thick-skinned person. REALLY NOT.

& home you ask? to me its just a building i live in,nothing more than that. i never had this thing called HOME. just when i fail at relationships & bonds,everything started failing on me.

i don't mind,really. i hv nothing ,noone by my side now so i really don't mind anymore. at least i won't hurt anyone anymore but myself. its fine,not that im not used to hurting myself. i'm happy because the lesser the bonds i have,the lesser pain i'll cause to anyone. i don't want to hurt anyone anymore,please.
if i fall..i'll get up on my own, cry,bitchslap myself, & then move on. i don't need anyone comforting me,because i'm used to it now. to the pain of loneliness.

i finally realised how cruel & mean the world is,how this world is filled with hypocrites. no,not this world. maybe just a small part of this world because i know there's truly nice ppl out there,it just happens to be the place i live in & go to.
what really ticks me off is kids without self-discipline. especially kids of my age. this refers to whats been happening in reality.kids are so spoiled these days & what is the world doing about it? i cringe each time i saw these kids who don't love themself & appreciate the time they have. does your parents work for nothing? & thats when rich kids really disgust me. i despise them. independent is not a word that exists in their dictionary & when i see these kids,at least i know i will never follow their steps. i'll never let my dad work for nothing,this i can promise.

..i'm not the best kid with best achievements but at least i know i am different from them.from those who don't even think further ahead,who don't think of their parents after 10 years.

so i'll do it on my own. i'll stay away from relationships for a long time..maybe 2 years..after school life ends. & when i rewind back these days,i'll be able to laugh at myself & remind myself that:


I'M DIFFERENT.


i'm stronger than anything,because i've gone through these hardships i gave to myself.
i can be alone without worrying about my stupid pride..i just need to be a little more confident & i wont feel so bad anymore.
i'll not cry like a kid anymore.
my heart will be stoned now if thats what you wish. i will not interact,i'll make use of my time in school & enjoy when its all over.

i'll do what i'm supposed to do.


should i just stay this way until my very last yr in school?
fate decides.

till then,
be strong. please. dont screw the only thing you are left with.

there is no special reason for this post.. I just love how today is the epic 9/9/09 date.
& i so have to schedule this post @ 9pm. lol. xD

9 has always been my fav number since i was a kid. idk, strangely i just love that number. i'm not sure if its my lucky number,but heck it has special meaning to me.


typical me.

wtf the title. lmao. ._.

first of all,look who drew this cheeky image of himself:

its official. i love him.

i love how he's so warm & friendly..cheerful & cheeky .. i love how he's so open to other cultures. its a rare sight to see someone like him being interested in other culture.. i don't care if he's like that to each country he went to,but despite the fact he doesn't hv the biggest fanbase in Malaysia,yet being all smiles & welcoming & not cold in other country really makes me believe there is such a warm celebrity that is so bright-hearted & nice in person..

When they come again,i'll be welcoming him with the biggest heart & sincerity.
I'll wait for you,dear jungmin. ♥

i feel so down ㅠㅠ
things that i want improve,hardly never improves.
yet things that i dont wish to improve,always improves.

its 12am now & i'm really sleepy,but i can't sleep. my head;it feels so heavy. why do i feel so much burden? i even changed my blogskin & play with the stupid codes thinking i'll definitely fall asleep after doing such a thing at my irritated mode.
but shit no. i feel even more headache & harder to sleep.
idk whats wrong. i just dont feel right. i feel sick physically & mentally. & i keep feeling like im gonna throw up anytime D:

i guess i'm just too wrapped up in my own world that everything have been piling up in me,be it burden nor stress. like this,i can't open up my heart-at all. i tried you know.
who is controlling me now? i feel like there is someone else inside me,someone extremely stubborn & evil trying to take over me.


oh gosh. what have i gotten myself into?

this morning when i wake up to get ready for school i felt unusually dizzy. skipped school because i cant get ready in that state.


i'm blogging now, feeling slighly sick & uncomfortable.


im very sure its just the time of the month again.
i do feel a little hot though,despite the cold day.



sometimes i wonder how can i be this mean. idk really. being mean,giving the silent treatment.. is what i'm good at sometimes. its just my way of protecting myself.
i can be bubbly too,like in the past. but i can't now...

i don't like it. i don't hate her.. but sometimes its just so sickening.
i'm selfish. yes i am. i tried hard to bear with everything that is taken off my life.everything that a teenager at my age deserves to have. support,friends,family,warmness.
as if my life is not messed up enough.. my only companion is taken away too.

maybe i didn't hold tight enough to my relationships & bonds.
i'm not strong enough to hold on to them anymore. i'm not confident enough to ask anyone to stand by my side.. anymore.


now i'm all alone,left with this mess i have to deal with. what's going on with my life,what's been happening,it's all a mystery. a dark mystery i choose to hide.
you know why? you're only telling me to share share share & share.. but have you ever thought that why am i reluctant to do so?

i don't hate you.
i'm just pretending to.

pretending to be strong,pretending to be harsh.


it's because you are not me. you won't understand what i am going through because you live a different life,complete with everything..


vacation with.. family? it's impossible. when i heard stories of fellow friends having fun with their family together,i feel envious. its not the first time i felt this way.

.. and thats when i decide i'll never share my part,because i have nothing but miseries here & there. & because everyone's a happy kid at heart,they will never understand this feeling at all.
so whats the point of sharing something that noone will be able to understand?
its like talking to a wall or telling a crying baby to shut up.no, its almost like speaking chinese to a foreigner from idk, India? lol.


unless you trust me. then i can share. i WILL share.

trust. left right.. up down.. my trust to people has gone down the river. because i trust too easily in the past,i learned my lesson & had a taste of my own medicine.


at least keeping everything to yourself makes you stronger. at least it does something good besides hurting you.


i need someone. not a friend but rather a psychologist,i'm not kidding here. i don't joke with things involving my emotions.

i repeat,i don't joke about matters like this.


& this is when fangirling became my healthiest hobby ever,keeping me away from negative thoughts.

it used to do harm to my studies in the past when i became a little too obsessed,but its not the same thing when you have self-control as you grow.


p/s: SS501 WILL BE AT ONE WORLD HOTEL,PJ TOMORROW @ 6PM FOR A FANSIGNING SESSION.

sadly i couldn't make it because its too sudden. they just release the news like TODAY!? isnt it too sudden to arrange my time? T.T well..

i'll get my copy sooner or later.
yes i can still fangirl at times like this.