idk what the message is supposed to mean,but i definitely feel something deep in my heart. i want to let you know that you're an awesome person too. & i really hadn't forgotten you,seriously..we've had a lot of memories before.
im having a hard time you see..and..it felt so horrible i want to just die.

im so tired of not giving up. but now its too late..ive given up everything. i,am now a person without love & friendship. i dont even know the world anymore..
dont ever put yourself in my shoes.. you will never know.
though its really tiring now..i will be strong. because tho realistically lonely, i believe i can..

i just want to let everything out to someone who can listen..who can be trusted. i havent found the friend yet..the last one was you. but..because of the gap between us now..it didnt quite happen & work out. i was harsh to many because i'm a stubborn crab.. you know how crab's hard shells work as self-protection? that, is exactly me.. acting up hard,sometimes harsh & then see things leave one by one in my life.. i have nothing left.
i try to remind myself each & every moment it will be fine..its okay.. just like this,i protect my shell from being stepped on.
sometimes i thought a lot back of this one certain unforgettable memory.. when i,for the first time shared the story with you,& how you cried along with me instead of just having sympathy for me.. how we cried together. i'm so silly,right? up to now, to be honest,its one thing that i still couldnt forget..idk why either. probably because we were once soulmates.

now,of course things has changed..i changed too,but i'm still me. trust me,i'll be happy,really..even if by myself.

i'll remember you. i'll keep it in my heart & treasure your words..because it meant so much to me right now.. thank you.

& i dont quite get the last part of the message.. is there a hidden meaning to it?

okay i freaking cried. i hate my sensitivity can?

I have less than 14 days to screw in da whole year's math into my brain.
unless einstein possessed me,i'll most probably be digging my own grave.
conclusion: definitely screwing math in the finals. idc if i screwed it all along,but shit its the finals now.

thanks to the worst teacher ever in existance,miss ng poh sim. give her some claps people,noone could deserve that title better than her.

hotel room service by pitbull or whatever bullshit da name is. don't really care.

She like that freaky stuff 2 and the O, 1 in the eye, that kinkee stuff, you nasty, but I like your type and like TI, its whatever you like. Bring your girls, whatever the night, your man just left, i'm the plumer of the night, let me check your pipes, oh, you're the healthy type. Well, here goes some egg whites. Now gimme that sweet, that nasty gossy stuff, let me tell you what we gon' do. 2 + 2, i'm gonna undress you. Then we're gonna go 3 and 3 you gon' undress me. Then we're gon' go 4 and 4, we gon' freak some more, but first!

WTF. the whole lyrics screams trash.
imagine listening to this song in a car ride with your family. double wtf?
western songs openly talks about sex. not that i'm against it. just that it sounds extremely cocky in english. i swear kpop had songs that talks about sex too but it just doesn't sound as...aggressive. on top of that,i only understand about 60% of a k song so :D


pretty much explains why western's music was never my cup of tea.
exception for some other artists though.

-

btw i hv a feeling i'll be totally dead broke by the end of the year(SHINee & taeyang's album is gonna cost quite a bomb). i'm digging taeyang's comeback a lot
because taeyang>gd.
that kid is hot,but because he's overrated & is everyone's hot issue,it just doesn't feel special anymore. taeyang ftw ♥
i mean seriously. its a shame Where U At is not gonna be his title song because this is sooo my cup of tea. hopefully wedding dress will be just as good though,cuz i'm planning to get the album. ♥

DAMNNNN.
THE BOYBANDS ARE COMING.
GREAT TIMING.

Digging MBLAQ & BEAST(the name.lol i still prefer B2ST but i'll get over it) BECAUSE OMFG THEY'RE SO HOT ♥♥♥


so annoying,i know. but it has been quite a while since i spazzed on boybands because gosh girl groups kept popping out & it never ends so thank god the boybands are finally coming out now.

its been ages.

with the fresh debuts. & comebacks(ring,ding,dong anyone? key is hot,btw). this has just gotten more interesting.
nice way to end 2009.

& i am totally hooked up to YoVille. BAD TIMING x2.
frankly this is the only game i dig in fb.


gah. finals i hate you so much. *stabs*
talking about bad timing. the next 2 weeks till mid-nov when finals end will be torture.
HISTORY. not confident/ ACCOUNTS. -hangsself-
MATH. CONFIRM DIE.

BETTER OFF DEAD BEFORE I FLUNK ALL SUBJECTS.


die with me,anyone?

"what kind of asian doesn't know math?"



"yours sincerely"

should i go bang myself to a wall just because i'm not naturally gifted that skill?
oh right.

because most asians excel in math.
because most asians are SUPPOSED to be good in math.
scrap that,most of the world CAN do math.


what kind of stupid theory is that?

oh so you don't have flaws. so you are perfect.
i see.
congrats,for being the first brainless retarded person in the universe.



i know a lot of people who don't share my sentiments.
i want to pour my heart & soul into art,be it in the form of music,literature,language or even painting. even if i suck.
i want to explore the world because i eat up cultures of any kind.
i don't wanna be stuck in this failing country for the next 10 years.
i am going to explore everything myself,because the me now is living under a shell,in a community i don't connect with. a place that i don't feel connected with.

only by experiencing a whole new different environment will i be able to open up my trapped heart.
because we all know the real world outside is far,way far beyond our imagination.
i need to experience something else to find back this part that has been missing in me.
i want to see just how strong i am. or strengthen myself if i'm really that weak.
2 years. if i had it my way,i'll take up anything. i'm up for anything.what kind of pain haven't i been through,really? i'll just pretend like nothing happened & carry on. perhaps its useful after all,what i've encountered so far. all these kind of wounds & scars left in my heart.

on the other hand.

idk but i'm really into literature now. i want to improve my english & write
awesome. stuffs.
i want to write
things. a lot of things.
probably how my childhood & teenage years went.


i want to write
sad. stories.
i want to write
MY. story.

if i were to tell anyone my story,everyone will assume its all lies thus i've never told anyone about my life,the reality. the reality between my family. the reality i'm struggling with.because noone'd believe. sadly i have to believe. because this is my life. have you ever seen anyone who don't believe in their own life?

its almost too dramatic to be true.

i'm still a million miles far from that,idk.
i can still write,maybe. but not making it a career because thats not my main goal in life.

ive read stories,& these beautiful stories always accompany me at late nights along with the music i plugged in my earphones.
the diversity of languages can be so awesomely beautiful.

one of those days when i get random headaches & mood swings for no absolute reason.

aren't i always like this,no?

So.
holidays had been a great time to slack.
& i keep procrastinating works that can be done today to tomorrow tomorrow & tomorrow.




Danbo,you are so fcking cute. ♥
jokes aside,time is a scary thing.

one minute im fine another minute my mind is filled with depressing, self-defeating thought.

or should i say.

one minute i was laughing the next minute i'm crying.


... just what am i really?