i'm mad because i couldn't contain my stupid tears from filling my damn eyes each time someone shows their concern to me.
i'm mad because the moment they start flooding my eyes its so mad obvious & people can see through how i really feel. in this situation, i could just break down in less than 5 seconds at most times. fml
i'm mad because once they drip i can't resist the urge to tell the person in concern what i've been going through,how i really feel. be it just a stranger,i just wanna tell her/him anything & everything.
i'm mad because all i need is not sympathism.
i'm mad because i don't even know why i'm feeling so down.
i'm mad because every little thing means everything to me.
i'm mad because i can't effing control my emotions.
i'm mad because i fuckin cried each & every night on bed till i fall asleep.
i'm mad because the next day i'd woke up with dried tears across my cheeks & find it pathetic.
i'm mad because i'm sick & tired of helping myself when nothing works.
i'm mad because i feel that this is not life i'm living.
i'm mad because i figured out lies too easily.
i'm mad because nobody ever took me seriously.
i'm mad because i'm all left alone.
i'm mad because everyone is together. i'm the only odd one.
i'm mad because i don't need friends too.
i'm mad because people can change so easily. they'll just be another person in front of you,and then change to another person in front of the other person.
i'm mad because i'm like that too.
i'm mad because promises are meant to be broken,after all.
i'm mad because its so hard to change go back to myself.

I'VE LOST MYSELF. DO YOUR HEAR THAT?
that's right,you don't care. i don't care. noone does.

Labels: melancholies

chances are,i'm not going to survive the rockpitt-without some preparations beforehand.

up to now,i'm actually still doubting here & there. ...the thing that we're all most afraid of..

last minute cancellation ...

OMG. THE FUCK. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
*BITCHSLAPSELF* BRB KICKING/SLAPPING/BANGING MYSELF ON THE WALL.

TOUCH WOOD TOUCH WOOD TOUCH WOOD! okay chill meyyen,chill. dont be such a paranoid. -___- ZZZZ
so i was rather panic when this piece of news broke out. idk. you know how they say "EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED?" FUCKIN VERY APPROPRIATE AIGHT/.

mind you i'm not a spoiled brat started saving since 08/09 k (though used up 1/3 of them alr,but phew) kthxbye.

anyway i'm kinda feeling a little torn getting the rock pitt though cuz majority got the numbered seats & i'm not a very active sort of person myself (though i can totally foresee myself screaming my head off the second the boys rise on stage) but i was just worried i might pass out due to my low stamina D:
so starting from today i'm gonna work out- a lot. jump,skip,run, just whatever it takes. shit im being paranoid again,but i dont wanna take the unlikely-to-happen-risk. yeah. fml :DD
there is still some time left before the concert so plz wish me luck gais ;D

& you know,for a girl,i do have a really MANLY scream. (i've nevr really screamed with my real "screaming voice" in front of anyone so you wouldn't know. i know it myself though 8D & i obviously am not close to sounding like a chipmunk duh -_-)
so if any of you happen to hear a rather low-tone but slightly feminine in a gay way voice plz plz dont think i'm some psychotic dude. xD

i was researching this, and-

Brace yourself. Whether in the mosh pit or out, you need to keep your hands and more specifically, your arms prepared. Don't look like you're ready to strike someone (you'll freak people out and probably get yourself beat up), but certainly don't put yourself in a position where your hands are going to be stuck to your sides and you accidentally get your face knocked by someone's skull flying at you that you weren't ready for it.

HAHAHAHA!! I'M SURE #1 LOR ROFL. omgsun. what should i do? panicpanicpanic.

Stay hydrated. It's hot and sticky in the mosh pit, and you'll be getting quite the workout. Make sure you bring extra water since venues typically overprice them (e.g. a water that typically costs $1 would most likely be priced at $4 or more). You could pass out if you find yourself dehydrated, and passing out in the pit could get you killed.

0____O GOOD,I'M SCARRED FOR LIFE NOW. WTF WTF WTF HJSKFHKSJFHSKJDGFSDFGDSHGFSJGFJHFGDSJGFDSJGFDSJ

Keep your arms down or to your chest when you push a fellow mosher, the last thing you want to do is accidently hit someone in the head/face which will end up getting you beat up

& this is so some crack rofl.


kns its effin 458 so we MUST grab a good spot in the rock pitts~ and for that my dear,i HAZ A VERY VERY FANTASTICALLY ELASTICALLY BRILIANT IDEA SO THAT I DONT END UP SEEING ONLY 1/3 OF THE BOYS FIGURE WHEN I'M STANDING.


MUAHAHAHA THE INFAMOUS INSOLES(shoe-lifters)!!! DID YOU GET THAT RIGHT!? OMG FUCKIN SELFISH CUZ IM PUTTING 4-5 (which is 4cm per one btw) INSOLES AT ONCE & I'LL BE LIKE OVER 160CM MUAHAHAH. kns haz to buy tonnes of insoles damn diu fuck my height ~__~
or should i just steal ryeowook/hyukjae's instead? XDDDDDDDDD
ANYWAY HELLO CONSIDERATE ME WHERE GOT SO BAD BLOCK PEOPLE BEHIND ME'S VIEW ROFL HEHEHEHEEEEE
PLUSS WE'RE ALL ONE UNITED EVERLASTINGFRIENDS,ONE OF THE NICEST FC OUT THERR :DDD BE NICE PPL,BE NICE.

p/s: mac 20th don't hv to come that soon honestly xD i NEED to get READY & it'll take some time.
p/p/s: i bet the first monthly test will be after or before the first term holiday in march. FMLLL DDDDDDDDDDDDD< *headdesks*

Labels: FUCK YEAH SUPER SHOW II MALAYSIA STOP MARCH 20TH 2010♥♥♥

we all knew it. say wutt. i'm hooked dammit. & this time-no,not another dancing pop group with addicting ghei moves but

a k-rock/indie BAND. that's right. im so glad they actually HAZ talent. /claps


so there you go. just a short profile.


yonghwa sings fhsfhsjfhkfhds 10X better than i'd hv expected..you know how ulzzangs are usually only good in one thing & theyre not actually perfect in every field?
YEAH. BUT OMG YONGHWA. WHAT IS THIS.

guitar,vocal,rap,leader youre basically everything dammit. ♥

& not to mention,acting too. WTFWTF♥
fdfhfjshjfhj that fine man raps/sings/acts-so well,all at once. so there. perfection. not sure bout leading but oh do you really need to♥
and i hv my eyes on you,drummer boy.(minhyuk) *winks* *bitchslapself* ♥



MOARRRRRRRRR. /roars





am not sorry if this stretched your page cuz you know you like what you're seeing. PERFECTION. it exists.

its barely 3 days & my thirst is going overboard. you know what this means,theyre gonna get BIG. the last time i checked,MBLAQ WAS A HIT -though many predicted theyre gonna fail for the next 3747243287 years prior to the debut.

"kns i cried reading your post. why are we cancer-ians so darn SENSITIVE now!? )))); "

i also wanna know why woman DDD; WHY!?!!???!!?? because we're crabs in human forms? because we're crab's descending? this sounds funny but-
because we really are similar to crabs? hard as metal on the outside,& maybe the inside too? LOL SAVE CRABS BB WE GOTTA STOP EATING EM' XDDDD

i just feel funny so XD rather i'm trying to be funny,lol fail attempt i know.

"YOU BETTER GO MAKE UP WITH UR FRIEND B4 I SMACK UR BUTT"

YOU GO GET READY FOR YOUR SEMESTER B4 I SMACK YOUR BUTT LAH WTF. WHY SO KPC NOW. *cries* I SAY ILL DEAL WITH IT RIGHT. STOP CHECKING MY BLOG/ONLINE-ING,DONT MAKE ME MISS YOU WTF

P/S: TUMBLR-ED BECAUSE WE GO BY THE HOTTEST THING THOUGH ITS YESTERDAY'S NEWS BECAUSE WE'RE GAY GAY GAY. TEEHEE~

it is very exceptionally lonely when you ought to spend half a day in school each day and have noone to talk to. people these days are so stereotyped its crazy.
i dont often unleash my real character,so instead i faked one. yeah :|
a rather introvert one too. but that wasn't all lies because half of it is right,even liz admits to me that i was hard to approach and seemed so tough i could break a glass. she said she saw the "fire" in my eyes? ROFL IDEK.
the fire as in the good way wor. dunno whether she's lying or what,but i'd choose to believe that anyway. haha~
but somehow she crossed the line & i opened up & am glad i did because things pretty much work out great between us. but then again,we were born 3 days apart excluding the 2 years gap so i could tell. she's a friend i really appreciate. though we dont actually share everything in common,but there is this bond that makes me feel comfortable around her. i was able to tell her secrets. same goes to mandy who's in japan,forever busy with her carrier in japan now. idk how shes doing,but at least i know she has been fine.we've been keeping in touch by mail. can you believe how hectic her life is she only gets to online about once a month? do well,bby. you make me proud ♥ sigh..i miss her.

YOU. YEAH YOU~
since after the last hang out we had..things pretty much gotten bad from there. i was hit with lots of fml shits & the worse part is,i couldn't even tell anyone bout it.like it or not,i HAD to keep it to myself.but then i decided i pretty much can't take the stress anymore so i wanted to at least share with someone who'd listen. you came to my mind,tbh. but just at that moment,just at the same timing,you were closer to her & somehow i could feel myself drifting away.. away.. and away... far far away..back to the starting point where we were complete strangers. didn't expect that to happen because that was not my intention at all. i can only say,the wrong thing happened at the wrong time. you hv no clue...you were clueless. (?) i didn't give you a hint either..leaving you more furious..am i right? i acted like i was upset & annoyed when deep down i was actually trying to show you i'm tough & strong & i could endure just anything. but soon..i couldn't feel myself to express what ive been wanting to say anymore because time simply took them away..i cant even seem to blurt out a full sentence without feeling afraid/guilty of being misunderstood..which i really dislike.
& thats when i got so upset again when i read your msg during the holis..i eventually added more oil to the fire with a ridiculously post written under anger,which was the silliest thing i've ever did. i may sound selfish or whatsoever but trust me,i had no bad intention but then i know my action dont seem convincing itself .
bcuz i dont mean em' at all.my real intention originally was to share with you piece by piece,have fun like always. but i wasn't the only one drifting away? you were,too,in the slightest way possible(?) i'm sure you hv things to tell me too,but you couldn't. if only i'd tell you earlier..perhaps i didn't hv to feel all these shit. how silly. and then i start getting unhappy for any reason over innocent ppl/ im not saying you misunderstood me cuz you know nothing so i guess i was wrong-big time.things simply stirred up from a small intention to a big misunderstanding.& i was never there to clear em' up,so yeah.i'd feel so guilty towards you tho it may not seem so.im not asking for an apology,i jus dun wanna leave you clueless forever and leave this shit i started myself up. pretty much made you waited long for me to clear this up yeah? sorry for that.
im writing this & this is probably how i really feel. am glad i did.
thanks for reading. now it's all up to you.

no remedy to cure this pain. cause i believe there's nothing left for me..
my innocence is killing your innocence. -Excuses ♪♫

i'm clueless. and 2009 is now a past.. be it good or bad,it's part of history.

welcoming the new year with a sorry heart..
..so welcome again 2010. like i'd believe you won't suck. when there's this stupid college entrance exam that we can't escape from. DDD<

i'd like to skip 2010 if i could but its trufax i can't,ha. might as well try to make the best outta it. yeah :|

i wonder too much. - why,how,
i think too much. -what if(s),but(s),
i slack too much. -nomnomnom. bed bed bed.

i've been a bad person throughout the year-yes in any way you could think of. 나쁜 사람! because well,imma sensitive thug. i just don't know how to show my feelings or i show it in the wrong way.
i tend to do stuffs in the wrong way -anyway. & then regret comes next,which nothing could beat how shitty it feels. maybe that shall change. that should ALL change. i should stop being selfish & care more about others. stop complaining how shitty life is when there's so much more unfortunate ones out there that is needy & really needs help.
& STOP SLACKING- THIS. ~!@#$%^&$#~!
also the sad thing is, i threw a lot of tantrums at the wrong person. sad case.
ppl always say its better to regret than never,but really regret is one of the worst feeling in existance. ever.
i'd like to deny the fact that i'm paranoid too but that,is another trufax sadly.

because my life is like a drama plot,as much as i'd like to not believe,to run away from the seemingly ridiculous fact, it just is. i could make a drama outta my life right now. right here. right then.
ppl dont believe what i say. it makes me insecure. it makes me feel insignificant. it makes me to lost faith & trust in others. so i dont spill things to ppl that easily because i don't know who to trust. besides,i only communicate with ppl who connect with me. sounds pathetic right?
which makes me wonder,about time to change that. i cant always sit in my zone & expect ppl to understand how i feel when they know nothing. drama. hardships. those ridiculous words coming from a psycho every night. how did i go through it all? tears wash them away,that easy. that's the least tears could do.

& yo lizzy, it's also almost a miracle how great we got along,but well tats cuz we're born in the same month thus the chemistry. i love you,just to let you know ♥ it's the second time i'm saying this word & really mean it (trufax).
it's almost funny,how the very few true mates i found lasts so short. no,not in a bad way. they all left. are we even filming a drama here? why pick my life & make a drama out of it? was it that funny to mess with me? or are you just testing me? DO YOU EVEN EXIST? DO YOU HEAR MY PRAYERS?
yes i'm challenging YOU. show me the light & i'll follow willingly.

i need to start motivating myself,gear up & prepare myself for this hard year~ music. studies. one of them slightly saved me from depression. so from now on,both of these must work together to distract me from negative shits.

& hey,just a quick note to you,in case youre reading,dont take those words i wrote in the past to heart. cuz i didn't. im not sure if i even mean them,yeah. i just dont wanna lost another friend so plz understand.



p/s: of all the chapters in life,this has got to be the hardest? at least i think so. remember,astrology predictions is insanely/unbelievably accurate. don't mess with it.