this is a place where people only help out among themselves,never caring for strangers.
my position has slowly became nothing.. don't look aback.
if youve chosen..then dont turn back. from now on,i'll move on with myself..without everything. be happy with your life..don't care about me anymore.the more you show signs of concern,the more i'll not be able to get over it & in the end i'll really upset everyone.
it cannot be helped.

just like how words turn into dust when we erase them away.. we i had fade into nothing but dust... nothing but all that's left.

worn out.. pissed.. angry.. thats how i felt lately.
im not deaf. i heard everything. & pretending like i don't care is no longer a lie..but to say it doesn't just sting my heart in the mildest way is comfort words to my heart.


i should stop before i go on another long grandma story of ranting.
anyway finals is over,& obviously im not happy bout it. why? do you even need to ask? i did effin bad & i want to retake the exam again,seriously. im really upset & couldn't go through my own heart. i dissapointed myself,great. i guess the reason i did so bad is because i'm bothered by a lot of things during the finals period.. im so pissed at myself for not be able to overcome my own feelings & swoosh them away. why cant i be stronger? havent i had enough pain to last me a lifetime of strength alr?

& then i worry about really unnecessary stuffs.. one of the thing that bothers me is none other than SPM aka college entrance exam. (okay this is not unnecessary at all) i srsly think its too much of a stress for me to handle..its not about the passion to study or anything,its just me.
i know i sound stupid..but really,this is the college entrance exam we're talking about here. now,each time i saw the word SPM,it just freaks the hell outta me. i almost stop thinking whenever i think bout it.
the problems i have to face everyday in & out my life..the stress is too much to bear. noone knows a thing..because well.. who can i trust,really? i watch people stabbing from my back from a mirror & i fear of trusting... i guess the word trust doesnt exist in my dictionary anymore.

i think its obvious..that ive developed the early SPM phobia.


enough depressing here. i think i'll turn my blog into a place to rant & complain if i continue to act like this. for now lets forget all the worries i have in my mind,& let the fangirling mode take place.
you know fangirling is a healthy hobby. it makes me forget about other stresses, & yeah.



TO-DO-LIST.

FACEBOOK.
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.
STALK.STALK.STALK.
FANGIRL.FANGIRL.FANGIRL.

lol isnt the last two the same thing? -_-


yes i can still have fun at times like this. what? this is the only thing to distract my stress & depression away.. you dont wanna see me talking to the wall or knocking myself to it do you? oh well you do..


okay..


screw you.

if i have nothing to do..i'll start thinking about crazy thoughts & then...lol. hardcore punish myself like starving,upset people(my style of punishment to myself) to see myself getting misunderstood,chew on people's patience,yada yada. you can say i'm a rebel,because i cant agree more. just that i dont unleash it so often.
it happens once in a while when i'm really,really stressed. & i dont seem to realise it...only after doing it will i realise. so.... i just wanna apologize if i hurt anyone or anything...you dont have to forgive me actually,i don't mind.


*goes back to fangirl*


p/s: i'm so 4D,pft.