LATE & IDC >D
i cant get it outta my mind
don't stop can't stop
back to the basic? ♪♫
4/4 ♥
talk talk talk talkin bout BLA BLAH BLAHHH
pete's little tingly tweets♥
teuk!yen moment? *bricked* xD
SUPER SHOW II,20TH MAC 2010
outing.
it has ALWAYS been my fault from the very start of this shit.trapped in my own mess,unhappy, depressed, slowly forming a zone of my own, insecurity,pushing the blame on others to delude my heart into feeling better even if i know its my fault,i seemingly do it just to make it up for my sensitive heart,bcuz in the end we both know its my fault so why the rage?
i could pull you over & tell you everything & be honest & my heart will open up fully & when i do that it means i treasure you & i trust you more than anything but i never had the chance. theres always somebody with you & im reluctant to do so bcuz im afraid you wouldn't listen/pay attention. i was needing attention. you were close to knowing me best, if we progressed more as friends. it could be really beautiful.
you know how it feels when lumps & lumps of rl troubles & shits starts piling up & trapping yr heart & so you end with nothing but a sealed heart & mind instead? it affects the way you act too. i know everybody have dark days & im bein an emo freak & overly dramatic but i cant help it. i cant go on a day thinking bout this & that. so this is why i'm cold & ignorant now. you care nothing bout me so i thought i meant nothing to you anymore. aight?
but up to now, frankly i've never ever done so. not even once. so eventually i'm not fully opening up my heart to anyone at all. do you get me? so isnt it obvious i'm smiling but crying inside?
i'm like that to anyone close to me. thats because i dont have many friends so the ones i have i treasure them a lot. maybe im the type that treasures one particular person & ignores everyone else when i'm in the stage of opening up because i cant just shout out my stuffs out loud to everyone for sharing purpose.
weren't you like that too? aren't everyone like that as well? regardless of how many friends they hv there'll be one that theyre closer to-it could happen anyday anytime. so when youre closer dont you share things when you share things you feel more comfortable when you feel more comfortable youre slowly steppin outta ya zone step by step isnt that a good thing? look,ive been a loner for one whole year. i mean, once an outcast. always an outcast. but im trying, so so hard to change that. but i came off as an ignorant idiot. pretty.
the way you look at me now is just downright like i'm some freak/creep. i understand though.
its either youre not used to seeing me like that. or you just simply dont like me with others.
because i tend to ignore you. right. have you not done the same?
oh. right. i even ignored myself. how could i forget.
okay maybe i dont seem genuine enough.
thats what you see someday you'll realise what you see isn't everything.
perhaps you think i like to write poetic excuses to make it up for myself but this is just the way i think. if its bad, then its bad i'm trying to do something about it too,but its not easy to change a person, her genes & p.o.v?
im tired of explaining myself because i could give you a million of reasons & excuses but i'm not like that anymore its immature & pathetic as if its not already.
p/s. those are strong words & i'd lie if i say it didn't hurt a bit but its all good i've heard worse
