HOOO-THE-RAYYYYY :D
AFTER 10 DECADES.
LOLLIPOP IS LOVEEEEE <3333
justlikethat.
"Kibum your hyungs did it!" T___T
BY MYSELF
Song name: Crayons can melt on us for all i careLI...
wootz <3
YESUNG OR KIM JONG WOON? BOTH IS <3!
SCARF & BEAR ABUSE.
SO...
HOW ARE YOU? :)
lol this is random. im not really in the mood btw. but i'll still make this post.. i hv to or else my heart will nvr stop bleeding from these burdens & unexplainable pain that i won't be able to express to anyone.
well.. idk how to start.
*absolutely clueless*...
okay..
i need to listen to something to continue this post..anything will do. soft ballads are preferable. or else i won't be able to express. see how much i need music.its so hard to express especially fer me. its hard,just really hard.
life these days's just-like-that.. its fun when i want it to be.. its sad when i turn it down..
well yesterday wasn't fun. yesterday was crappy. i mean, BAD.
i am sick,tired of dealing with snobby bitches & when i use the word bitch,its official im not takin her as a friend no more.
am im being sensitive? i don't deny. besides i love being who i am..at least i don't go around making ppl feel bad or offended.. but she does.
i am taking things seriously? well, it depends on what YOU'RE talking about. certain topics are not meant to be..
she... she... she. has changed.
SHE'S SO FULL OF HERSELF THAT SHE THINKS OTHER'S PLAIN RUBBISH-THIS IS NOT THE SAME FRIEND I KNOWN 8 YRS AGO.
not a bad thing because ppl do change.. but when you're changing to something that makes me feel uneasy.. i guess we're meant not to be friends anymore.
you maybe glamorous & oh-so-perfect now, but you'll see as time flies.. as you grow up & realise what this community is.. as you ARE JUDGED & CRITICIZED for your flaws.
grow up already.
i'm tired & i don't wanna care no more..im going to show it if i hate something..im going to be sarcastic when ppl offend me.because life taught me so.im not goin to tolerate anymore. because do you think you deserve respect when you dont even respect me?
learn to respect others before you expect ppl to respect you.all these issues of snobbies & bitches is such a pain in the ass. this bitch of a school.
YOU SEE. I TOTALLY FORGOTTEN ABOUT HOW PISSED OFF I WAS YTDAY HOW FCKIN MAD I WAS YTDAY I THOUGHT IT WILL LAST UNTIL TODAY BECAUSE FCK I COPIED THE RANTS FROM YTDAY'S PLURK. i wanted to rant today about ytday's frustration but i didn't hv the mood anymore...
like what a personality test says about me, i don't mix with ppl who're the exact opposite from me.. its just we don't belong. our attitude don't get along..how am i supposed to communicate with someone like this?
she just really IRRITATES ME. enough said.
im jus not happy with her & it took me forever to realise she has changed-completely. idc what she change to because its her rights & im happy wif her as long as she just doesn't makes me feel uncomfortable.
but right now.. im not sure if i really consider her as a friend anymore.. im so tired of those vain & oh-i-am-so-freakin-popular-and-gorgeous trend in school.. WHAT THE F MAN.
you're vain .. your problem. you're snobby.. your problem.you look down at ppl, MY PROBLEM. be it anyone , you look down at them because they're "lower" than you? are you that great to underestimate others? are you that perfect to criticize others? who are you but just a human like everyone? you know what, YOU CAN'T PLEASE EVERYONE. im not complaining on ur attitude or what but at least, LEARN TO RESPECT PEOPLE. I DONT FRIGGIN CARE; be anything you want,but you look at ppl as if you're looking at insects.. (okay dont laugh cuz i copied this from hyukjae's impression on kyuhyun wtf back to serious ==)as if youre looking at a pile of sh*t.. i guess you'll only know how it feels when someday others look at you that way =)
because you wont friggin understand till u experience it yourself.. since you don't give a damn on ppl's feelings. since you're so freakin gorgeous to underestimate everyone. since youre freakin snobby. since you are ~!@#$%^&*&^%$#@!~~!@#$%^&^%$#@!~!@#$%^&^%$#@!
you know what? IM GLAD BECAUSE IM NOT OF THOSE SNOBBIES WHO FOLLOWS THE QUEEN'S TAIL EVERYWHERE & I DONT FAKE MYSELF .. AT LEAST IM BEING HONEST WITH MY FEELINGS. AT LEAST IVE BEEN THROUGH THE DOWNS EARLIER. AT LEAST I KNOW HUMAN'S FEELINGS BETTER & I THINK FROM THEIR PERSPECTIVE. AT LEAST I TRIED TO STAND IN THEIR SHOES & THINK FROM THEIR POSITION. BUT I'LL NEVER DO THE SAME FER YOU. BECAUSE YOU PROVE ME YOU DONT DESERVE IT SINCE YOU DONT RESPECT ME. SO FOR YOU WHO'S BEEN LIVING SUCH A GORGEOUS LIFE, DO YOU THINK YOU'LL FOREVER BE GORGEOUS? DO YOU THINK YOU'LL NVR FACE HARD TIMES? THINK AGAIN.
dayum,i should be a physcologist or something. im so deep in emotions & feelings sometimes i feel im too deep as a person. i won't say i understand every human's feelings because im not them.. I AM NOT YOU. BUT TO THINK ABOUT IT, IF I CAN BE YOU OR VICE VERSA FOR A DAY, WOULDN'T IT TEACH YOU BE MORE UNDERSTANDING & LEARN TO SEE THINGS FROM ONE'S SHOES?
you can't always stand in your shoes & think from your side. YOU HV TO THINK FROM EVERY PERSPECTIVE. when someone says something,listen,respect,feel it with your heart.that way,everyone will be less selfish.
i admit right now im not completely like that, but at least i enjoy being who i am. i do things that i feel like it.. if you think im negative.. whatever, let it be. but you know what? in a way i think its unique.. being different from others. well, i still joke around.. i still fool around.. only with ppl who i feel secure with. i dont feel secure opening my heart to others.. because ive been hurt many times.
i dont think i'll ever open my heart to ppl who i dont feel comfortable.. trustable with.. im that type that once i made friends, i look how much we hv in common.. & most important thing is.. i look for trust & security. it could be.. because.. i never really had a friend. a friend whom i can call a soulmate.
will i ever be able to open my heart again? i need someone to convince my heart.. so that when heart is finally opened..i can be all bubbly & cheerful as i used to when i was 13. so i dont hv to be so afraid anymore.
im tired of getting hurt.. im tired of being so fragile i break everytime little things sadden me..
i dont wanna love again..because it hurts,a lot. love is a scary thing.
okay tears.. is shedding. i shall stop now.
-ends emo topic-
to make this post not so gloomy.. & full of rants. i shall write a little about how's my life going on.
well.. theres a lot going on these days. school projects, mid-term, classes, so i won't be able to update everyday like i used to.. T.T
i'll be starting violin class soon officially too..so yeah.
& u know what? I SCREWED UP IN MY 2ND MONTHLY TEST LAST WEEK. I FEEL SO BAD I WANT TO HANG MYSELF SO I DONT HV TO FACE MY RESULTS. U HV NO IDEA,REALLY. I FEEL SO CURSED AND SOMETIMES I REALLY,REALLY WONDER...
AM I BORN TO BE A FOOL?
dont tell me all the craps noone is born to be stupid because you have no idea.. i admit im not trying hard enough.. but i did make an effort & what does god give me?
ANOTHER DISSAPOINTMENT AFTER ONE ANOTHER?
AGAIN AND AGAIN?
AM I TOO WEAK?
WAS I NOT STRONG ENOUGH BEFORE?
my mind was totally blank when i face the papers.. i can't remember a single damn thing. am i stressed? most certainly not. idk why & how is this happening.. its like losing my memory in an instance.. i cant seem to blurt out a single thing after all those hard work(well at least i TRIED my best) BUT f cuz i always end up screwing everything.
WHY?
right now im so friggin scared of my accounts paper bcuz i know FOR SURE IM FAILING IT. I FEEL SO FUCKIN DISSAPOINTED & ANGRY OF MYSELF
that subject was the only thing that keep me really inspired & realistic but i screw it over T_T
ITS LIKE I SCREWED MY LOVE.
MY ONLY HOPE. now i finally realised.. nothing is really easy.
some car should really come & bang me off before i finally realised whats happening with my life.
make me an accident victim,god. MAKE ME. if you can bring me to this world, why not bring me away?
looks like im being too much here. i shall stop before i get more emotional.
anyway.. mid term is in less than a month.
its mid-term. MID-TERM. & IM NOT SCREWING MYSELF anymore. I KEPT SLACKING & SCREWING UP TILL I FEEL SO FEDUP OF IT. I CAN'T SCREW UP, IM SURE I'LL DO SOMETHING HARMFUL TO MYSELF I SCREWED IN MIDTERM. IDK WHAT.. IT'LL JUS BE SOMETHING BAD.
& this will also mean less time for sj.. you guys know how much i love fangirling & spazzing right? thats not my exact point.. its hard to go on a day without knowing how isit going on with them,how are they doing with the performances, have they been resting(i doubt they dont) , are they doing well in the charts,etc. missing out their updates.. its like a big torturement fer me.
its like living a day without water...
-
silently.. as i stare blankly at nothing in class during the empty moments.. the music played in my mind. how i wish i could pull out my mp3 ... & bury myself in the world of the beautiful music.. beautiful vocals.. beautiful voices.. my very sweetest part of life, kpop.
but then..screw the school rules. pft
& everytime im alone i thought of kibum.. i remember how he didn't hv any friends for 2 yrs..how he got through the hard times.because he couldn't express..scrap that, i..do resemble kim kibum in a way.. and hae as well. but theyve both grown up with a beautiful heart.. i'll become a person with a beautiful heart too , i promise hae & kibum, & suju ^-^;; elf all has beautiful hearts~ right!?
ive been listening a lot to 3jib right after school everyday.. when i got back home feeling all worn out & tired & lonely.. when i need soothing & comforting, lively & cheerful, energetic & sexy melodies.. i seek for sj. cuz no matter how good others are,they dont hv this thing that sj has, this special feeling that makes me feel comfortable & protected with their sincere voices~
this is why i put sj over everything in my 1st priority. nevertheless,i still listen a lot to dbsk & the rest.. its jus that when i feel down, sj is always the best medicine, is the best energy pill to reset my mood again..
its because.... because... of this one love... keeps me going on & on. i know its stupid but..... they keep me warm & protected.
HOW ARE YOU? :)
lol this is random. im not really in the mood btw. but i'll still make this post.. i hv to or else my heart will nvr stop bleeding from these burdens & unexplainable pain that i won't be able to express to anyone.
well.. idk how to start.
*absolutely clueless*...
okay..
i need to listen to something to continue this post..anything will do. soft ballads are preferable. or else i won't be able to express. see how much i need music.its so hard to express especially fer me. its hard,just really hard.
life these days's just-like-that.. its fun when i want it to be.. its sad when i turn it down..
well yesterday wasn't fun. yesterday was crappy. i mean, BAD.
i am sick,tired of dealing with snobby bitches & when i use the word bitch,its official im not takin her as a friend no more.
am im being sensitive? i don't deny. besides i love being who i am..at least i don't go around making ppl feel bad or offended.. but she does.
i am taking things seriously? well, it depends on what YOU'RE talking about. certain topics are not meant to be..
she... she... she. has changed.
SHE'S SO FULL OF HERSELF THAT SHE THINKS OTHER'S PLAIN RUBBISH-THIS IS NOT THE SAME FRIEND I KNOWN 8 YRS AGO.
not a bad thing because ppl do change.. but when you're changing to something that makes me feel uneasy.. i guess we're meant not to be friends anymore.
you maybe glamorous & oh-so-perfect now, but you'll see as time flies.. as you grow up & realise what this community is.. as you ARE JUDGED & CRITICIZED for your flaws.
grow up already.
i'm tired & i don't wanna care no more..im going to show it if i hate something..im going to be sarcastic when ppl offend me.because life taught me so.im not goin to tolerate anymore. because do you think you deserve respect when you dont even respect me?
learn to respect others before you expect ppl to respect you.all these issues of snobbies & bitches is such a pain in the ass. this bitch of a school.
YOU SEE. I TOTALLY FORGOTTEN ABOUT HOW PISSED OFF I WAS YTDAY HOW FCKIN MAD I WAS YTDAY I THOUGHT IT WILL LAST UNTIL TODAY BECAUSE FCK I COPIED THE RANTS FROM YTDAY'S PLURK. i wanted to rant today about ytday's frustration but i didn't hv the mood anymore...
like what a personality test says about me, i don't mix with ppl who're the exact opposite from me.. its just we don't belong. our attitude don't get along..how am i supposed to communicate with someone like this?
she just really IRRITATES ME. enough said.
im jus not happy with her & it took me forever to realise she has changed-completely. idc what she change to because its her rights & im happy wif her as long as she just doesn't makes me feel uncomfortable.
but right now.. im not sure if i really consider her as a friend anymore.. im so tired of those vain & oh-i-am-so-freakin-popular-and-gorgeous trend in school.. WHAT THE F MAN.
you're vain .. your problem. you're snobby.. your problem.you look down at ppl, MY PROBLEM. be it anyone , you look down at them because they're "lower" than you? are you that great to underestimate others? are you that perfect to criticize others? who are you but just a human like everyone? you know what, YOU CAN'T PLEASE EVERYONE. im not complaining on ur attitude or what but at least, LEARN TO RESPECT PEOPLE. I DONT FRIGGIN CARE; be anything you want,but you look at ppl as if you're looking at insects.. (okay dont laugh cuz i copied this from hyukjae's impression on kyuhyun wtf back to serious ==)as if youre looking at a pile of sh*t.. i guess you'll only know how it feels when someday others look at you that way =)
because you wont friggin understand till u experience it yourself.. since you don't give a damn on ppl's feelings. since you're so freakin gorgeous to underestimate everyone. since youre freakin snobby. since you are ~!@#$%^&*&^%$#@!~~!@#$%^&^%$#@!~!@#$%^&^%$#@!
you know what? IM GLAD BECAUSE IM NOT OF THOSE SNOBBIES WHO FOLLOWS THE QUEEN'S TAIL EVERYWHERE & I DONT FAKE MYSELF .. AT LEAST IM BEING HONEST WITH MY FEELINGS. AT LEAST IVE BEEN THROUGH THE DOWNS EARLIER. AT LEAST I KNOW HUMAN'S FEELINGS BETTER & I THINK FROM THEIR PERSPECTIVE. AT LEAST I TRIED TO STAND IN THEIR SHOES & THINK FROM THEIR POSITION. BUT I'LL NEVER DO THE SAME FER YOU. BECAUSE YOU PROVE ME YOU DONT DESERVE IT SINCE YOU DONT RESPECT ME. SO FOR YOU WHO'S BEEN LIVING SUCH A GORGEOUS LIFE, DO YOU THINK YOU'LL FOREVER BE GORGEOUS? DO YOU THINK YOU'LL NVR FACE HARD TIMES? THINK AGAIN.
dayum,i should be a physcologist or something. im so deep in emotions & feelings sometimes i feel im too deep as a person. i won't say i understand every human's feelings because im not them.. I AM NOT YOU. BUT TO THINK ABOUT IT, IF I CAN BE YOU OR VICE VERSA FOR A DAY, WOULDN'T IT TEACH YOU BE MORE UNDERSTANDING & LEARN TO SEE THINGS FROM ONE'S SHOES?
you can't always stand in your shoes & think from your side. YOU HV TO THINK FROM EVERY PERSPECTIVE. when someone says something,listen,respect,feel it with your heart.that way,everyone will be less selfish.
i admit right now im not completely like that, but at least i enjoy being who i am. i do things that i feel like it.. if you think im negative.. whatever, let it be. but you know what? in a way i think its unique.. being different from others. well, i still joke around.. i still fool around.. only with ppl who i feel secure with. i dont feel secure opening my heart to others.. because ive been hurt many times.
i dont think i'll ever open my heart to ppl who i dont feel comfortable.. trustable with.. im that type that once i made friends, i look how much we hv in common.. & most important thing is.. i look for trust & security. it could be.. because.. i never really had a friend. a friend whom i can call a soulmate.
will i ever be able to open my heart again? i need someone to convince my heart.. so that when heart is finally opened..i can be all bubbly & cheerful as i used to when i was 13. so i dont hv to be so afraid anymore.
im tired of getting hurt.. im tired of being so fragile i break everytime little things sadden me..
i dont wanna love again..because it hurts,a lot. love is a scary thing.
okay tears.. is shedding. i shall stop now.
-ends emo topic-
to make this post not so gloomy.. & full of rants. i shall write a little about how's my life going on.
well.. theres a lot going on these days. school projects, mid-term, classes, so i won't be able to update everyday like i used to.. T.T
i'll be starting violin class soon officially too..so yeah.
& u know what? I SCREWED UP IN MY 2ND MONTHLY TEST LAST WEEK. I FEEL SO BAD I WANT TO HANG MYSELF SO I DONT HV TO FACE MY RESULTS. U HV NO IDEA,REALLY. I FEEL SO CURSED AND SOMETIMES I REALLY,REALLY WONDER...
AM I BORN TO BE A FOOL?
dont tell me all the craps noone is born to be stupid because you have no idea.. i admit im not trying hard enough.. but i did make an effort & what does god give me?
ANOTHER DISSAPOINTMENT AFTER ONE ANOTHER?
AGAIN AND AGAIN?
AM I TOO WEAK?
WAS I NOT STRONG ENOUGH BEFORE?
my mind was totally blank when i face the papers.. i can't remember a single damn thing. am i stressed? most certainly not. idk why & how is this happening.. its like losing my memory in an instance.. i cant seem to blurt out a single thing after all those hard work(well at least i TRIED my best) BUT f cuz i always end up screwing everything.
WHY?
right now im so friggin scared of my accounts paper bcuz i know FOR SURE IM FAILING IT. I FEEL SO FUCKIN DISSAPOINTED & ANGRY OF MYSELF
that subject was the only thing that keep me really inspired & realistic but i screw it over T_T
ITS LIKE I SCREWED MY LOVE.
MY ONLY HOPE. now i finally realised.. nothing is really easy.
some car should really come & bang me off before i finally realised whats happening with my life.
make me an accident victim,god. MAKE ME. if you can bring me to this world, why not bring me away?
looks like im being too much here. i shall stop before i get more emotional.
anyway.. mid term is in less than a month.
its mid-term. MID-TERM. & IM NOT SCREWING MYSELF anymore. I KEPT SLACKING & SCREWING UP TILL I FEEL SO FEDUP OF IT. I CAN'T SCREW UP, IM SURE I'LL DO SOMETHING HARMFUL TO MYSELF I SCREWED IN MIDTERM. IDK WHAT.. IT'LL JUS BE SOMETHING BAD.
& this will also mean less time for sj.. you guys know how much i love fangirling & spazzing right? thats not my exact point.. its hard to go on a day without knowing how isit going on with them,how are they doing with the performances, have they been resting(i doubt they dont) , are they doing well in the charts,etc. missing out their updates.. its like a big torturement fer me.
its like living a day without water...
-
silently.. as i stare blankly at nothing in class during the empty moments.. the music played in my mind. how i wish i could pull out my mp3 ... & bury myself in the world of the beautiful music.. beautiful vocals.. beautiful voices.. my very sweetest part of life, kpop.
but then..screw the school rules. pft
& everytime im alone i thought of kibum.. i remember how he didn't hv any friends for 2 yrs..how he got through the hard times.because he couldn't express..scrap that, i..do resemble kim kibum in a way.. and hae as well. but theyve both grown up with a beautiful heart.. i'll become a person with a beautiful heart too , i promise hae & kibum, & suju ^-^;; elf all has beautiful hearts~ right!?
ive been listening a lot to 3jib right after school everyday.. when i got back home feeling all worn out & tired & lonely.. when i need soothing & comforting, lively & cheerful, energetic & sexy melodies.. i seek for sj. cuz no matter how good others are,they dont hv this thing that sj has, this special feeling that makes me feel comfortable & protected with their sincere voices~
this is why i put sj over everything in my 1st priority. nevertheless,i still listen a lot to dbsk & the rest.. its jus that when i feel down, sj is always the best medicine, is the best energy pill to reset my mood again..
its because.... because... of this one love... keeps me going on & on. i know its stupid but..... they keep me warm & protected.
eeteuk
heechul
hangeng
yesung
kangin
sungmin
ryeowook
donghae
siwon
hyukjae
kyuhyun
kibum
shindong..
heechul
hangeng
yesung
kangin
sungmin
ryeowook
donghae
siwon
hyukjae
kyuhyun
kibum
shindong..
you hv no idea how much u hv lighten up my stormy days & rainy nights..
noone,noone will ever understand my love for you. for all 13 of you. for you as one. even i myself don't understand it.. i guess ive fallen too deep..so deep that sometimes i think i could block a train coming towards you.. this love, is deep beyond my imagination.
& if you think my love for them is foolish.. yes it is.i am really a big fool but its too late to stop everything..theyre nailed into my life.
baby because this love is everlasting. because i promised to love you for a lifetime♥
noone,noone will ever understand my love for you. for all 13 of you. for you as one. even i myself don't understand it.. i guess ive fallen too deep..so deep that sometimes i think i could block a train coming towards you.. this love, is deep beyond my imagination.
& if you think my love for them is foolish.. yes it is.i am really a big fool but its too late to stop everything..theyre nailed into my life.
baby because this love is everlasting. because i promised to love you for a lifetime♥
for a lifetime~♥until u found ur true love,we'll protect each♥
hae.. my lonely soul. always by ur side♥
thanks for being my sunshine in a dark,stormy day :)
thank you, superjunior, also ft-i , & ss501. i got through this post with their songs surrounding my loneliness~
p/s : AT SOME POINT WHEN I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE,I WISH I COULD CLIMB UP ON TOP OF MOUNT EVEREST & SCREAM MY HEART OUT.
p/p/s: 8eight's 심장이 없어 is playing in my itunes right now. caming across this song.. it struck me again how i wish my heart is empty. how i wish i don't have a heart.
심장이 없어 (without a heart/empty heart)
do you know how it feels to hv an empty heart?
p/s : AT SOME POINT WHEN I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE,I WISH I COULD CLIMB UP ON TOP OF MOUNT EVEREST & SCREAM MY HEART OUT.
p/p/s: 8eight's 심장이 없어 is playing in my itunes right now. caming across this song.. it struck me again how i wish my heart is empty. how i wish i don't have a heart.
심장이 없어 (without a heart/empty heart)
do you know how it feels to hv an empty heart?
