it is very exceptionally lonely when you ought to spend half a day in school each day and have noone to talk to. people these days are so stereotyped its crazy.
i dont often unleash my real character,so instead i faked one. yeah :|
a rather introvert one too. but that wasn't all lies because half of it is right,even liz admits to me that i was hard to approach and seemed so tough i could break a glass. she said she saw the "fire" in my eyes? ROFL IDEK.
the fire as in the good way wor. dunno whether she's lying or what,but i'd choose to believe that anyway. haha~
but somehow she crossed the line & i opened up & am glad i did because things pretty much work out great between us. but then again,we were born 3 days apart excluding the 2 years gap so i could tell. she's a friend i really appreciate. though we dont actually share everything in common,but there is this bond that makes me feel comfortable around her. i was able to tell her secrets. same goes to mandy who's in japan,forever busy with her carrier in japan now. idk how shes doing,but at least i know she has been fine.we've been keeping in touch by mail. can you believe how hectic her life is she only gets to online about once a month? do well,bby. you make me proud ♥ sigh..i miss her.

YOU. YEAH YOU~
since after the last hang out we had..things pretty much gotten bad from there. i was hit with lots of fml shits & the worse part is,i couldn't even tell anyone bout it.like it or not,i HAD to keep it to myself.but then i decided i pretty much can't take the stress anymore so i wanted to at least share with someone who'd listen. you came to my mind,tbh. but just at that moment,just at the same timing,you were closer to her & somehow i could feel myself drifting away.. away.. and away... far far away..back to the starting point where we were complete strangers. didn't expect that to happen because that was not my intention at all. i can only say,the wrong thing happened at the wrong time. you hv no clue...you were clueless. (?) i didn't give you a hint either..leaving you more furious..am i right? i acted like i was upset & annoyed when deep down i was actually trying to show you i'm tough & strong & i could endure just anything. but soon..i couldn't feel myself to express what ive been wanting to say anymore because time simply took them away..i cant even seem to blurt out a full sentence without feeling afraid/guilty of being misunderstood..which i really dislike.
& thats when i got so upset again when i read your msg during the holis..i eventually added more oil to the fire with a ridiculously post written under anger,which was the silliest thing i've ever did. i may sound selfish or whatsoever but trust me,i had no bad intention but then i know my action dont seem convincing itself .
bcuz i dont mean em' at all.my real intention originally was to share with you piece by piece,have fun like always. but i wasn't the only one drifting away? you were,too,in the slightest way possible(?) i'm sure you hv things to tell me too,but you couldn't. if only i'd tell you earlier..perhaps i didn't hv to feel all these shit. how silly. and then i start getting unhappy for any reason over innocent ppl/ im not saying you misunderstood me cuz you know nothing so i guess i was wrong-big time.things simply stirred up from a small intention to a big misunderstanding.& i was never there to clear em' up,so yeah.i'd feel so guilty towards you tho it may not seem so.im not asking for an apology,i jus dun wanna leave you clueless forever and leave this shit i started myself up. pretty much made you waited long for me to clear this up yeah? sorry for that.
im writing this & this is probably how i really feel. am glad i did.
thanks for reading. now it's all up to you.