just so you know.
this is the last time im standing for myself. im n...
LATE & IDC >D
i cant get it outta my mind
don't stop can't stop
back to the basic? ♪♫
4/4 ♥
talk talk talk talkin bout BLA BLAH BLAHHH
pete's little tingly tweets♥
teuk!yen moment? *bricked* xD
moving in & out like this really depresses me. and when i say i dont wanna be living like this i felt the biggest stab of guilt ever because theres so much more unfortunate ones out there. also mainly because i'm never one who like changes around me. so when it happens i just dont know what to do or how to react. it eats at me. i just wanna live on average everday even if its not any better or good as anyone. i just want to keep the way it is. it is hard to change that thing in me. that thing that refuses to accept change. i'd like to think that i'm generally luckier than most people in this world but the community & range i'm is is nowhere near these.
the first time was a huge impact on me. i dont enjoy the feeling not even a bit. now i'm just a kid without a promosing future because i'm not all that gifted at all. i try to believe that i can achieve something in life but from the way it looks now i really dont think i could. i'm lackin in so many things with the security and confidence im losing day by day due to the lack of warmth im one needing just warmth & its life couldn't get better for me hell yeah. but it never happened. not even once. maybe it did.
im too afraid of losing what i have so i learnt that its better to not even own it at the first place. i cant withstand the feeling of everything taken off me my life so here i am just watching & letting everything leave one by one and making up excuses to cover my wounds.perhaps because it is so lonely & painful to be facing all this alone.
i cant commit to anything when i'm like this because i simply fail at lying about problems & all. i'm just afraid to commit to something. i cant believe in myself now idk how to hold on to my future because it just seems so dark & uncertain. ive never been so secretly scared before. this is also probably why i fear commitments.
friend. if i ever cried in front of you, i no longer can hold everything inside & you'll finally see what i've been hiding all this while. i'm truthful when i'm truthful. believe me.
until then. just watch me struggle. god loves seeing me failing throughout life by myself, without anyone. he just seemed to love that.
i believe that when i want to be that person i'll be that person.
at the end of the day after countless motivations no matter how hard i try my heart is still weak its no good anymore
