Dad's birthday is coming up in 3 days. is texting just enough?
..i feel like doing something for him this time. honestly.. i didn't know what to prepare beforehand & an unexpected idea just popped up like that.

it just strike through me yesterday night when i was laying on the bed,listening to Yesung's CMM "The Greatest Story of The World". its a touching song,may i add. (though its totally unrelated to what i was thinking..lol. )

okay anyways i had the sudden urge to cook for him. yes,that's right,COOK. what on earth was i thinking?

*cough* so i was thinking..what could best compare to making a dish with love? *coughsharder*
okay this is getting greasy. lol.


but yeah..that idea just came up my mind straight away , anw probably the least i can do for him to let him know that i care. because i'm not a greasy person,neither any of my family members is,so we're very hard at expressing our feelings,especially love.
that explain why i suck in expressing. its a family gene thing. k?

which is why i am so insecure...i worry too much.

anyways i was thinking of noodles at first but with this lousy skills,noodles is just gonna turn to a mess so im going with spaghetti,which is my alternative method.

-

they say,appreciate the time you have with your loved ones because you never know what will happen tomorrow,to tell you the truth,i'm really afraid. i'm afraid of the bad possibles. *touchwood*

let me share a little piece of confession between me & my dad so you get the idea.

we'd fought everyday. seems like a hard bond isn't it.. communicating with him was hard.exceptionally hard. but..i guess he's my dad after all,no matter how much we argue. i envy you girls who still can cling on to your dad when you drop your ice-cream & have him buy you another one cuz in my case,it isn't so.
of course, this is just an example,i don't mean it realistically cuz hey,you cant expect a teen who's 20 at heart like me to do that. right?

because i want to show him that i'm strong,independent.

there are just times when i break down in the worst way you could imagine from all this pain in my heart. the worst it could get is injuring myself..i haven't really got to that point yet but at one point i'm/was almost there.
anyway,throw away all this pain for a while(it comes & goes so why do i bother anymore),i just wanna give him a memorable birthday. thats all.

come to think about it.. i haven't really done much as a daughter..you know?
you hv no idea how much i hate being 16. how much i hate being a 93'er. i'd always wish i was only 2 years away from my brother.. its so unfair. so unfair how God made me a 93'er. sucks really.
.....he's aging.. & i'm still freaking 16,still having to rely on adults. you know how painful is that? how painful it feels when you cant do anything to help lessen the family's burden just because you're still a kid young?

GOD IS REALLY UNFAIR ON ME.
but 3 more months & i'm 17 & i really pray & hope & wish nothing bad will happen next year,because its practically an important yr ,a turning point in my future. if doom hitted me,my future's screwed & i won't hv a reason to live anymore.
so please...i dont care how much games is god planning for me next yr,cuz i'm ready to play & quit even if it hurts. just don't let anything bad,real bad incidents happen.
the worst of the worst CAN'T happen.


shit. & why am i emo-ing NOW!!??!!

eh. i'm thinking too much lately... not that i can help it.
one of the factors is undeniably puberty yo,get the idea alr ㅠㅠㅠ
i guess im just unveiling my heart as i type so nothing serious,this is just my way of letting my miseries out,i'll be fine. i guess.

they say the more it hurts in the heart.. the deeper is your love for that person. nothing can be more honest than your own feelings.
so childish girls,just in case you hadn't know,if you feel like you heart is srsly tearing apart after a fought with your bf,be careful,because that is how much you love him.
& i suggest to give up on him if he's a jerk.
note: (scene not including heart tearing apart because of anger,annoyance,jealousy,etc)

someone screw me pls. from the talk about dad's bday & now im here emoing- yapping about things that are out of topic, great job mey yen. "GREAT JOB" ==

P/S: i hope everything turns out good . =)

P/P/S:PRAY FOR ME I DON'T BURN THE KITCHEN. *AMEN*